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New to BB
Hi everyone my name is Al,
I am new to this and not too sure where to begin or to express what I am feeling atm. So do I just poor everything out on this forum, as to what has transpired over the last 14 months since finishing my FIFO job. I can’t keep everything bottled up anymore, need to let it out, I am afraid my mental state is not where it should be. Help
Welcome to the Forum, and to answer your question you might like to give people here an idea of what has been happening to you and how you feel. It does not all have to have every detail in one post, it is in fact often better to give an overall idea, then talk to people back and forth.
A FIFO job is itself a very stressful way to live, and if you happen to have a family can create all sorts of strains on top.
If you have been in the horrible situation over the last 14 months of being unemployed (I'm guessing here) then that too makes for a most miserable life.
I'd suggest making your own thread where people can see from the title what it is about. If you are unsure how to do that then have a look at:
(copy and paste the link into your browser)
We'll be looking out for your post
Hello Gpop, it's great for you to join the forum and it can be a bit undaunting
Some people just open up straight away, while others are more reluctant, but you've come to the site, that's the important part, so how about just telling us a little about the FIFO and the struggles you 've had to try and cope with.
You're talking to people who have had to go through their own type of depression, so I hope you feel at home here.
Coming back home after a job that keeps you away so much brings all sorts of difficulties, some financial I guess and some about boundaries. I guess in some ways it is a similar situation to when one partner retires and then both are together.
You said your mental state is not where it should be, I'd therefor ask if oyu have been to oyur GP and seen if you have an illness such as depression or anxiety? Frankly I did not realize I did. And hte subsequent denials and delay made things a lot harder to treat. Nothing lost either way.
Living together in such a change of lifestyle is not something that can be worked out in five minutes, but if both persons want it to work it will. Honest - but kind - talk is necessary, with both saying what worries them and what they'd like.
It can be a time to identify things the two of you enjoy doing together, and the opposite too, the space each of you needs, and how to gt it.
A renegotiation of household duties too I guess.
I'm talking from my own experience, which was not the straightforward as I'd been invalided out of my occupation and was not in good shape. However all the above eventually came about, to both our benefits.
Now, having said what I think is the ideal, perhaps you would like to say what is actually happening and if any of the above can actually take place or is unrealistic in the circumstances?
Thankyou for posting with us! A FIFO position is a tough career to be in.
Croix (above) posted about the value of seeing a GP and the benefits. The GP's have better training now compared to even a few years ago where our mental exhaustion is concerned. Its only my humble opinion through my own anxiety experience that you may leave your GP feeling a lot better than when you walked in
Just a polite note if thats okay....making a double appointment is always a great idea as you will have the time to relate how you really feel to your GP....and thus you will find some of the peace of mind you really need
There is no judgement on the forums Gpop. We are here to provide the best support possible for you through our own life experience. There is no such question as a dumb one on the forums....You are more than welcome to ask what is on your mind.
my kind thoughts
Good morning, Geoff, Croix and Blondguy,
Thank you all for you comments. Fifo work was a tough gig, but on the flip side I was only home for short period then back into it, which suited us both I feel, but I dare say the situation that I find myself in started roughly fie years ago hen we had a new addition to the family (a Great Dane pup, all legs etc and huge), I had no say in it when we got the pup and strongly disagreed in having it but it stayed and guess here it sleeps, with the SO, so the is no room in the bed for mwah, but as I stated earlier Fifo work had it plus sides, but I put up with it, then the work stopped. It all came to a head on Australia Day this year, when we were at her sons place, we all had a skinful but later in the evening (after watching he fireworks display) and sitting at the table (eyes closed) my partner hurt me, well I retaliated and things have not been right ever since that event. A week after that the SO asked me to leave the house (which I did) only stayed away for about 10 days. We tried to work through it, tried to share the main bed with the 2 dogs and the SO, no go, it lasted about a month. The crunch came about 6 months ago when we head guests over for dinner (mainly, her son and daughter), well again things got heated between the SO and the daughter, couldn’t put up with it anymore and asked the daughter to leave, the SO wanted to spray a few more word at the daughter, i told he to back off. There are other small events that have continued to happen (mainly unkind remarks etc, from both parties), one comment being that she doesn’t trust me anymore ?? Had enough, Just about ready to leave and leave her to it (which I think that is what she wants to happen anyway) I just want to be happy and retire in peace without all this negativity and start to live a little instead of being controlled. Thank you all for taking the time to read my brief rant but needed to tell someone. And yes I will be going to see my GP to see if they can help. Kind regards Gpop
It sounds a most unpleasant mess, and I guess the incident of the dog may typify your partner's attitude, which did not seem to induce you. I notice when you said the two of you were trying to patch things up the dogs were still on the bed, not the most accommodating move. Being a control freak can easily lead into being the originator of an abusive relationship.
A 'rant' is rather an unkind way to describe your posts, you are simply setting out the circumstances. Trying to deal with things in isolation is hard. Are there any family or friends to give you support?
I'm glad you are seeing oyur GP, at times like you are going though it is very easy to get discouraged. A desire for a peaceful life where both parties wishes are taken into account is very natural.
Do you have any thoughts about what you want to do next?
Good morning Croix,
thank you for your post, most helpful. Over the last 12 months I have spoken to my children and my siblings about my situation and they have said cut your losses and start to enjoy my life and have some me time. I want to but I am finding it difficult to take that next step. I know if we ( my partner and I) have a discussion about me leaving the whole situation would turn heated and I would rather that not happen, so I just don’t want to say anything but I know in my heart I need to leave to rejuvenate my batteries and my happiness. Thanks for listening,
I'm very glad you have supportive children and siblings, not only does it lead to practical help but also would tend to confirm your own view of matters -sometimes that's not so easy in isolation.
Have you considered a trial, to see if by living away contact becomes more affectionate and considerate? I only mention this as for some people it takes a pretty big shock to get them to really understand the consequences of their behavior? On the other hand an all or nothing approach might be the right one, again you are the best judge.
I'd imagine you are quite correct in thinking that discussing leaving, or the possibility of doing, so with someone who is so controlling would be an unhappy event. Not only is it a strong criticism of the way your partner behaves but there may even be strong grief and loss too, maybe even guilt - I don't know.
No doubt whatever you do you will have to let your partner know what you are doing, and I'm sure it's something you have been thinking about. Is it worth considering having some else around at the time?