New Parent

[mayaduiva]

im 38 , and my partner and i just had our first baby together.I love my daughter so much but i get always scared of not being able to be a good parent and my anxiety can reach the roof because i feel all the responsibility of another human soul relies solely on me. Knowing that, i, myself suffer from social anxiety makes it also hard for me to reach for help in person.My daughter is so gorgeous and healthy but i feel guilty to even feel i need some space sometimes. People can really judge severely as i had few drinks occasionally, and have been slammed to be a bad parent though i love her so much and i just get so worried she can inherit any anxiety from me or her dad.Its hard to say im pretty happy but pretty scared to of how to raise my daughter and how to be the best mum.

Hoping to get advises, thank you

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Well the best mum your daughter can ever have is you. Nobody else.

I recall taking my brand new daughter home to our flat in inner Melbourne in 1989. We lived 3 stories up and you walked along a balcony. I was shaking so bad. I had her in her car cradle and between me and the wall. For some reason I feared, somehow, she'd fall from my arms over the balcony. My confidence was really low as a new dad.

These feelings are very normal. I wouldn't even connect them to your normal anxiety issues.

What I would do is not drink alcohol when you have your child in your care. the main reason is- you have her as your number one priority and there will be times when grandma or family has you child overnight in the future for a treat, then you can enjoy some drinks as a release. Although having a couple of drink is nobody elses business people can judge and cause more hurt than you really need.

Other than that, you care enough to write in here. confidence will build as time goes on. Guaranteed.

TonyWK

[jess334]

Hi Mayaduiva,

I went through the exact same feelings last year after my first bay was born. I ended up having a major panic melt down about 6 weeks in and told my mum to take my son away for the night so I could sleep.

Sleep derivation can make anxiety so much worse. Needing alone time doesnt mean that you love your daughter any less. It means that you are just like any other normal new mum.

I know everyone says this, but it does get easier the more sleep you get. In saying that - if you are having constant feelings of anxiety and not being able to cope you should see your GP. They will be able to refer you to a psychologist. It really helps to talk things through.

I also worry that my son will inherit my anxiety. Whenever those thoughts come in I try and remember that if he does have anxiety I will be the best person to help him get through it because I've been through it all!

Try and ignore everyone's judgement. Especially around drinking. You know your limits and I am sure you are keeping your baby safe.

Kind thoughts, Jess

[jess334]

I forgot to mention, the volunteers are PANDA are really helpful and non judgemental. I called them a few times. They are lovely.

PANDA. For pre and post-natal depression. Links to counselling, resources and an online forum. Phone 1300 726 306.

www.panda.org.au/