New, a little lost & a lot lonely...

K-90 · ‎28-12-2015

Hi everyone, for along time I have felt down & alone, I don't know where to start so, I guess I'll forget the past and go with the right now. My partner has been drunk since Christmas Day & hasn't come home, my kids have seen me cry and I hate that, my mum abused me because she's up on holidays and knows my partner is out drunk and to be honest I feel so alone that i had to search online to try find some support and that it's a stranger that will speak to me... I tell my partner I'm so sad and I can't snap out of it - which he is a big part of making me feel this way but he won't acknowledge that I need someone to carry me for a while I just keep trying to push forward... I tried to call him and he wouldn't answer, I messaged him and said I felt down and just needed someone - no answer back... I don't cry wolf or say I need him very often so, I'm hurt that he couldn't see if I was ok.. So I want to say I'm depressed and have been for a long time but to be honest I'm to scared to go to the dr and see if I am... The thought of relying on a pill to make me balance my emotions scares me. Right now I would just love to be hugged and felt cared about... I want my partner to come home and say sorry and not blame me for once.. I want some family time, but most of all I don't want to feel this way anymore... So anxious, sad and lonely... Not just when he's doing the wrong thing but all the time feeling like this is exhausting. I'm just rambling here, it's so hard to make sense of something your not even sure of yourself... Thank you for reading.. Hope it makes sense

Paul · ‎28-12-2015

Hey K-90

Welcome, I'm really glad you have found the forums here at Beyond Blue. Big HUG. You're not alone in feeling horrible, alone and just plain rotten. So many of us can relate.

It's pretty normal to be scared about going to see a Dr to talk about how you feel in case you're told you're depressed. Especially if just taking pills is what you're afraid of. Luckily medication is just one of many approaches to helping us with depression and anxiety. You've taken one of the options just now and are telling us what's going on and how you feel - that in itself can be very helpful.

Do you have a good friend you trust who you can talk to? It seems your Mum is a bit upset at the moment and your partner isn't responding, so perhaps a friend might be able to provide some company or at least some comfort to take the edge off of the loneliness.

We're all here to help as well. Please feel very welcome to rant, it's no imposition and it definitely helps you gather your thoughts and feelings.

A non pill method of help with depression, anxiety and generally feeling horrible is to chat with a psychologist. They are expert in listening and helping you through difficult situations. No medication is involved with a psychologist.

As I mentioned, medication is one treatment option. A lot of us have combined treatment methods to ensure we stay well or recover effectively. My psychiatrist has a very good approach with me. Biological stability with medication, exploration of emotions and learning effective tools to stay well through therapy. There are so many different medicines and types of therapy or approach that different professionals take - this is absolutely in consultation with you.

Are you happy to tell us more about the past that you eluded to in your first post?

I know it really hurts at the moment K-90. Lots of us have been there and I definitely understand how horrible it is.

Stay in touch.

Paul

KTOCD · ‎28-12-2015

Hi K-90

So glad you have joined us here. When I'm feeling down, I like to remind myself that the feeling will pass. Life won't always be like this.

Perhaps a visit to the doctor for a chat will help? It can be very daunting and overwhelming. I didn't accept that I had a problem for a long time. Always hid it and probably still do from most people. I take meds and also go to regular psychology sessions. Even when I am feeling well, I continue with this treatment to ensure I build up some resilience and strength for the future.

I agree with lats. Have you got a friend that you can talk to? U will always have us but sometimes it's easier when the person knows the situation. Is your Mum a bit upset at the situation and sad for you? Or is she angry? Maybe give her some time. Is it an option to explain how u r feeling to her? What do you think her reaction would be?

If your husband is keeping himself drunk for a long period of time, it sounds like he has some issues he needs to work on. Maybe relationship counselling would be helpful.

it will take a while to get things back on track, but that is ok. Keep talking on here!!

KT

K-90 · ‎01-01-2016

Hi thanks for you kind words! Made me cry but I felt better for reading them. I do plan on going to the dr and just seeing what they think I need. I guess to I have a friend who over dosed on their anti depressants a few weeks ago and I had to be there for them and my mother has been on them for years and also over dosed on them, I've just never seen them in a "good light" so I think that's why I'm cautious of taking something.

growing up my mother was always a drinker - pretty much a binge drinker but a little more often and a little bit more let's say full on, a lot of times her drinking would cause her to want to pick at things she felt needed work which always ended up in arguments. I moved out into my dads when I was 14. At - 15 I was pregnant with my first child, his father was not and I don't think ever will be any help as he is a heavy drinker and now on ice. After having my son I went back to school and struggled it out to finish year 12 & then went to tafe I then had my daughter & her father was great until she was born, he started drinking and taking drugs and left me while I was doing the Christmas shopping, he still has no contact with her 5 years later. I feel like my mother really didn't help but made things worst when this was happening. I started dating my current partner 4 years ago, he does like to have a drink but it was only a one night social thing until 12 months ago when we moved 1300kms away from our families (which he was all for) and all year he will be fine for a few weeks then take off drinking and I won't hear from him and he will come home when he feels like it, misses work which makes me panic financially. He's not one to talk so he won't explain to me what is making him do this, he said it's not about moving up here so I don't know. My mum worries which is fair to do but always goes about voicing her concerns in the wrong way & usually while drunk. My partners family are all big drinkers so, I think that may be why he is as well, my family is too but I have rejected it as I know how I felt as a child with my mum drunk and don't want to do that to them.

with the friends part I ring them sometimes and have a chat but I have no new friends in the town I'm in so that makes it a little hard.

Thanks so much for reaching out KT & LATS

KTOCD · ‎01-01-2016

Hi K90,

hope u r doing ok?

i can understand why u r hesitant about meds but you don't need to b. As long as u take them as directed, u will b fine.

It seems to me that there have been a lot of people in your life that have used alcohol and drugs to run from things? These people can sometimes be a bit toxic to our own wellbeing - whether they mean to b or not. maybe you need to put some distance between yourself and these people for awhile? U need to be a bit selfish and take care of yourself first. I know u probably want to help them but unless they want to make a change themselves, nothing u do is going to make a lasting change. It's sad but that's the reality.

So my advice would be to go to the dr and put some distance between u and the people struggling with issues (alcohol , anxiety, etc). Tell them that u r there for them but until they are ready to make a change, u need to step back and take care of your own wellbeing. You seem like a very intelligent and capable woman. Put yourself and your kids first. You can do it! Show them how to change things around - set an example!! You may find they follow your lead.

take care and keep talking on here.

KT

K-90 · ‎02-01-2016

Hi KT,

I'm quite an anxious person so I can't ever imagine not taking them correctly.

Mums off home Wednesday and so far so good with my partner, still not thinking everything will be ok just yet.. Will be looking at appointments after Wednesday to see what's available to me, thanks for your compliments- they were a good pick me up, I'm not feeling as down as I was when I made my first post but still feeling I guess flat.

Thanks for your help.

Paul · ‎06-01-2016

Hey K-90

Let us know how you go with the appointment.

Thinking of you, take care.

Paul