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Need to vent and be heard.

Community Member
This is not ANY type of relationship. It's one of my housemates. She treats me like dirt. She treats everyone like dirt, even her husband. She manipulated and betrayed me to moving in here. She told me that I could recover here, was really kind and said she cared about me. It took me a while to trust her but I finally relented and moved in. As soon as I moved in she completely changed towards me. I absentmindledy left a take away coffee cup out instead of throwing it in the bin. I just forgot. She left it there for days. On Saturday she picked it up and said to me, this has been sitting there for days and I've been waiting for you to throw it away. Since you won't I'll do it. I was gobsmacked.
Yesterday she asked me to get a Pepsi for her out the Pepsi box so I did. No thank you. Then she said to me by the way I don't like people wearing shorts with their underwear showing. If that's how people were to dress we would wear our underwear on the outside. I was wearing shorts with some of my underwear showing and not on purpose.

I had a cup in my room and I got in trouble for that. I had to wash it immediately. She yelled at me to keep my voice down the other night when I was on the phone. Then at 6am she made a call right outside my room on loudspeaker and woke me up talking loudly. The washing machine drum is out so it's mine and everyone else's fault because we don't put our washing in evenly. It's broken! I'm too scared to do my washing. If I'm helping someone with something I'm doing it all wrong and she is right. She is right about everything even when she is wrong. She LOVES the I told you do game. She humiliates you in front of people. She sets people up she doesn't like. She wants to be treated with respect but doesn't have to do the same in return. Her life is worse than anyone's else's life and no one has a right to speak about their life without her comparing it to her life. There's so much more.

I pay rent and clean but she is the boss do to speak. I've not spent time in the house for 48 hours now. I'm down in the shed and am sleeping here to get away from her.

I know I have to move. I'm making steps, I just can't go right now. I just can't be around her. I know it's abuse. I can't stand up for myself but she will kick me out. I can't have that as I will have nowhere to go.
12 Replies 12

Community Member
Sorry this is happening to you . Definitely not something that would be easy to deal with . I do not have alot of advice for you but I do hope that you find yourself somewhere more suitable with someone who respects you and values your presence . All the best . Keep looking for somewhere else better and more suitable for yourself.

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear 2quick~

Your housemate sounds a most unstable and demanding person who has little regard for others feelings, and as a sensitive person you simply are not in a position to cope with her.

It sounds am most abusive relationship, and these can be very hard to deal with and move away from. All sots of practical difficulties raise their heads and leaving can seem too hard or impossible.

May I suggest you give 1800Respect - 1800 737 732 a ring and talk the matter over with them. They are used to such behavior and can discuss reasonably what your practical alternatives are

Having to sleep in the shed is no way to live.


Thanks Larlar will do.

Community Member
Hi Croix.

She is mentally deranged and diabolical. Vindictive, manipulative, vengeful, charcoal heart and soul, backstabbing, only does something nice if there is something in it for her or to have something over you. In her eyes she is PERFECT. She has an utter disregard for anyone's wellbeing or feelings. She simply does not care. Sensitive or not, no one can cope with her. Not even her own husband.

I'm very well experienced in abuse unfortunately and this is DEFINITELY abuse. Her mission every day is to make people's lives hell.

I know 1800 respect very well. I also know they won't be able to tell me anything I don't already know.

The only answer I have it to stay away from her as much as possible until I've found somewhere to live.

It's not right that I need to be sleeping in the shed. Absolutely not. It's where I'm safest though as she doesn't come to the shed and bother me.

I don't have the option to move till the New Year. Nothing I can do about it. I truly have no options so I'm going to have to sit tight and do my best to move out when I can. I know she doesn't give a damn about me. I can't sleep properly in the house. I'm always nervous.

Hi 2quik,

What a miserable piece of work she sounds like. Life could always be worse, you could be her husband! If it was me, I’d take great delight in telling her what I think of her and driving home a few home truths (once you have another place lined up of course!). I find that type of behaviour is often a front for some crippling insecurity they are trying to hide, classic narcissistic behaviour. I think in this instance your strategy of avoidance is best, although not ideal and certainly not fair.

Hi Juliet,

You mirrored my thoughts exactly. I could never marry into that. John her husband is lovely. We get along amazingly. I feel for him being married to her. She abused him too.

I usually am not afraid to tell people exactly what I think of them. Her, god help you if you think she will not plot revenge. I've seen and heard her do it.

I see in her such a low sense of self worth and self esteem and extremely dangerous. She never shows weakness or vulnerability but deep inside she is.

Regardless she is P O I S I N.

Instead when I've moved out she won't know where I've gone. I'll block all Avenues of contact.

I will wait a few months then I will report her as an unlicensed driver on the roads anonymously of course and just to add a bit of spice for extra flavour I will report her to Centrelink anonymously for making an income and not declaring that income.

I'm not a spiteful,nasty horrible vindictive nor mean person at all. I just believe that some people got to have their just desserts.

In the meantime I'm going to call 1800 respect so they can help me with coping strategies till I move out.

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear 2quick~

It sounds as if you have a very clear idea of what is happening and have a plan in place, the hard part being the next few weeks until you can implement it.

Thinking of things you might do to (legitimately) to tell the authorities of her activities, is something that can keep one going.

For a long time I thought I'd give chapter and verse on a person that did me great ill. In time I did not, but that's another story. The point being now anger and thoughts of such satisfaction can be of use to you.

Your life has not been all one could wish and the have been other times, may I ask what coping strategies you found best then? I suppose it is too simplistic or impractical you 'visit' someone for while?

One of the reasons I ask is that your housemate may not be content for you to be in the shed, taking it as defiance or weakness and press further, so I'm wondering alternatives.

Hopefully 1800RESPECT can be of help with some ideas


Community Member
Hi Croix,

Too painfully aware of what is happening. I'm 40 years old. Abused for 35 of those years. I know abuse like I know the back of my hand. The world revolves around her and only her. Nevermind that I might be busy or doing something, everything has to be dropped for her. I'm going to say no from now on. I'm busy and have plans. Otherwise I can't do a damn thing. She treats everyone like this. She says jump you say how high. I can't stand it.

I'm not going to tell cause I'm angry nor want revenge. Rather a lesson. Has the audacity to tell people NOT to do everything she is doing, yet it's ok for her because she does it better than anyone else does or can. I'll knock her off that high and mighty perch she sits on and O have no guilt or bad feelings about what I will do. The thing is Croix, her abuse is costing me a lot. The lies, the betrayal, the manipulation to get me to move in here was plotted and planned. Nope now she can know what's it's like to live without money, she can know what it's like to be disqualified from driving and be housebound. She's too far and lazy to even go get a bus. I honestly didn't not care one bit Croix.

There are no coping strategies when it comes to abuse Croix. I've been through enough to know that. The best I can do is just not be around her at all. She is too far and lazy to walk down the shed so I know I'm fine there.

I don't have anyone to visit or to stay at their house. I've got piles of work to do and yes it's not practical right now.

I'm going away on the 24th to the 29th. That's all I got.

Today she had the hide to ask me to buy cigarettes for her out of my own money and she would pay me back. Not thinking that I should have said I have no money I went and got the damn things. I did not need to go out. She could have at least driven me in her car two minutes down the road. No that was too much to move her fat but off her seat at the laptop.

The thing is I don't give two hoots if she is not content with me in the shed. She does not own it. If it gets me some peace, quiet and reflection time. I can't get that around her.

I don't like her at all.

Community Member
Update for all that have responded. Seen my doctor today and told him what is going on here for me. I talked about her and the things she is doing to me. According to my doctor he thinks that she has an undiagnosed personality disorder. He said more than likely a narcissist. I have been looking at covert and overt narcissists and judging from what I go through she is an overt narcissist.

He is aware of my mental health issues. I told him I am frightened of where this is all taking me mentally. His advice to me which I am already doing is to avoid her as much as I possibly can, do not allow her to get into my head at all, and to move out as soon as I possibly can. He even said you have to get out of there. This is not good for your mental health. He wasn't telling me anything I did not already know. Since being home from the doctors, I have felt really low. I needed to go have a coffee after seeing him to try get my head around things case it was spinning. Most of all I have a deep hatred towards her and a rage boiling inside of me.

I am not a stupid woman by any means and upon reflection it was her intent all along to set me up to fail. It was deceitful, planned, a betrayal of my trust in her and very cruel. I hate her. It's not my fault that I did not see it. She covered it up really well, abused my trust in her on purpose and manipulated me for her own gain. I worked so hard all year to put a stop to abuse in my life and she knew this very well. This person is rotten to the core. The doctor said there is absolutely no hope for a narcissist changing and I already knew that too.

So if it takes me sleeping in a shed to get the hell away from her then I am going to do it. I am angry that it has come to that for me. I told the doctor I am starting to sleep in the shed just so I do not have to see her. For some reason she just does not come down there at all so it is the only place that I am actually safe. Although questions are starting to be asked. I feel like I am losing my mind. I have to find ways to keep my sanity. I felt very panicked an anxious once I was done with the doctor. Put simply she is simply incapable of thinking or caring about anyone but herself. No one else has any importance whatsoever. She is a tyrant.

So there you have it. Straight from a doctor. I cant move straightaway I am not in the right position yet. So you bet your bottom dollar I am going to take her down when I have left and I feel NOTHING.