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Need some advice - friendship problems
I need some advice about a situation I am in with a friend. We have been close for a few years and have had an intimate relationship at points. He has been emotionally abusive towards me for a while and has realised that. After we had a falling out a few weeks ago, he realised how he had been treating me and began repairing the relationship. We both see therapists individually and are both on antidepressants as we have both suffered from depression (I also have severe anxiety). Both of our therapists have given us different advice and I've found that how we are dealing with things now isn't working as we are very different and deal with things differently. I suggested seeing a therapist together as we both want to work through this and repair our relationship. Does anyone have any other suggestions? Has anyone tried therapy with a friend before?
I'm sorry you have had to wait for a reply, it is one of the down-sides of this place that it does happen - nothing to do with you or the content of your post.
I'm not exactly sure what you mean by abusive, if it is something involving violence I'd suggest that is never acceptable and you should steer clear of the person. Perhaps you might like to come back and say more on that?
Assuming violence is not the case then I guess it depends a lot how much each of you genuinely cares for the other. In any deep relationship each is motivated by a desire to provide the other wiht a secure place where they feel looked after. Genuine abuse, including emotional abuse and controlling behavior doe not really go with this.
True a person can be thoughtless and inconsiderate, and I'd imagine that such faults can be improved upon, motivated by concern for the other person. Arguments too can be toned down. My partner and I have an agreement that no matter how provoked or angry neither of us will say anything too hurtful or anything that can't be undone.
Going to individual counseling or therapy for anxiety and or depression is one thing. I believe couples counseling is a different thing. There one tries to learn techniques that both people can adopt to deal with problems. It is a two-person thing and the councilor gets to hear everyone's point of view.
Hello Anna, thanks for being here.
By having an intimate relationship shouldn't mean that he can then take control and be abusive, it doesn't matter whether it's physical or emotional, the two of these are forbidden and they are different to a disagreement or a quarrel these always happen but it's not dominating in an angry way.
The therapists would give you both different opinions because you are two different people and two different personalities, like when he is dominating you, he will have a story to tell his therapist, whilst you will have another version.
Joint counselling is always recommended, however, try and make the end to be a good one, so you can both enjoy the time together.