Need help!? Family/sister trouble

[Jaynelauren]

I hope this makes sense.

I have 4 sisters who we all would seem pretty close but behind everyone’s backs there’s nothing but nasty gossip.

its been going on for years but I’ve been in a serious relationship for over a year now and his made me realise I want to live a different life I want more for my life. So I’ve been going really well losing weight finishing my course etc and my sisters and 1 friend are just going crazy behind my back hating on me. I’m hearing a lot of she said he said and it’s making me feel really depressed. It’s gotten to the point no one is really speaking to me anymore cause they are believing each other’s lies and hating me. All I have is my partner but I feel like I’m taking it out on him. I’m not a confrontational person at all but if I tried to confront no one would admit it. I feel so lonely I have no one to talk to and no one who actually cares about me. I’m always the one going to visit them and seeing what they’re doing and doing everything for them but no one ever just does something for me. I’m over them ignoring me and using me and then when they feel like it or they want something they will talk to me. I need help!? How do I move on in my life cause I know they’re not going to change . Also how do I stop being so emotional to my boyfriend I feel like it’s makinf me moody towards him and finding reasons to cry or be angry at him.

[Juliet_84]

Hi Jayne,

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. It can be tough to not have the support of your loved ones, and to also find out that they’re tearing you down behind your back. I know you say you’re not a confrontational person, but I really think that you need to sit down with them (preferably together so they can’t pass the buck) and have a chat. However, I think you should take an alternate approach so that they don’t feel blamed and get defensive. Instead you can sort of say “I know we’ve all been guilty of it and all participated in it, but I’d like us to try and be more positive about each other” and that way they can’t deny it, as you’ve been a witness to this behavior previously. And then you can say how it makes you feel, and hopefully if they truly care about you, which I’m sure they do, they’ll think a bit more about it. People can just get caught up in bitching but don’t really stop to consider the consequences. Also, you can say “from now on, if someone has an issue with me, I’d like them to speak with me directly about it, I don’t want to hear that things are being said behind my back”. And then you can choose what action you take if they continue.

[white knight]

Hi JL, welcome

It is not uncommon to feel taken for granted and a one way relationship.

The toxicity you describe is no different to my past inlaws.

I would however fall short of completely severing your contact with your sisters. Be clever, drift away slowly and attend a xmas get together, just one, and keep in contact.

Concentrate on your relationship with your man and close friends.

Cutting family off completely will vause more upset. But by keeping your distance you wont hear regularly the gossip..

You'll be out of the loop.

As for your moodiness, see your GP. That a start.

Tony WK