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Need advice Please
Thank you for posting on the forums today. It sounds like you are facing some really big challenges at the moment - we are really sorry to hear that. We know that parenting can be very difficult and we can hear that care that you have for your daughter.
We want to suggest some ways to look after your own mental health while you are caring for your family.
We think that a call to our phoneline would be a good place to start - you can call us anytime on 1300 22 4636.
You can also call the Parents Helpline and ask them for some advice - they are experts at supporting parents to look after their children. The numbers vary by state but you can find them here
We hope there is something there for you and that you are finding supports elsewhere as well.
You have done nothing to reflect inappropriate parenting - in your home, your daughter is now considered a 'guest' as she made her choice to leave and it is only through the goodness of your heart that you allowed her to return for her safety and shelter as any decent person/parent would do.
Boundaries and conditions were set as terms for accommodation (did you get this in writing?) and your daughter has disrespected such provision, and further abused the privilege of using a car you purchased (is the car registered/insured in your name?). This last point is where you may find yourself conflicted and possibly implicated in any harm that comes her way. It is not just in her interest that access to a vehicle be denied; you should not have to live with the guilt of enabling her behaviour, personal injury to herself or other innocent road users, aside from the financial ramifications of denied claims in any accident due to drug impairment.
Your daughter is an adult and making poor choices. You may not be able to change her behaviour but you should certainly remove her incentives - particularly while under your roof. Demand evidential (medical) proof of her cessation of drugs before you acquiesce to any provision and by all means get help if she requests it.
This will be a trial for you but stand firm if you can for the sake of your daughter and hope she comes to her senses in time.
Since your daughter is at greatest risk from 9 pm, you may be within your rights to enforce a curfew as further condition to her tenure. Another suggestion would be insisting on attending a rehab program as condition for accommodation. Naturally this might be received unfavourably, but it returns control to you - your house/car, your rules, and you do need to consider the rest of the family's rights to safety and quiet enjoyment.
Although unlikely to prevent her nighttime activities, you can adopt a lockout policy before/after a certain time where she takes full responsibility for the choices made; thus alleviating your condoning the behaviour and offering support should she wish to accept it.