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Nearly Three Years Alone

Community Member

The title would make this sound like another,' lonely person who'll find someone', but please read it first.

I finished school in 2013, having a job at a cafe part time for nearly 2 years. The owner's accountant had a daughter who began working there too. Initially was just 'friends' with her until April 2014 when she began talking to me and I had feelings for her. We talked to each other regularly, took her out a few times…then on Monday January 12 2015 I'm walking home from Central station around 8pm. I'm a street away from her place when I see her with some other guy. The next day 'in a relationship' on fb and quit the cafe, never saying anything. Initially was just disappointed. But it's got worse over time due to several reasons. Mainly, the fact I've had no luck at finding anyone. Any women even remotely interested in talking to me already have someone (except of course the far-right narcissistic cafe owner,' No wonder she never wanted to go out with you again' - (she left day to day running of it to another person who eventually moved on and it collapsed without him, clearly only had the business, at her age, to bully staff and make out she was a 'successful business women' to her friends and others were 'dumb lefty losers'). As for the others, its that dire I was a university mentor. I had 10 women in my group and asked them to have lunch in Week 1 (part of the uni-backed program). Some said yes. Not one showed up. Another lonely lunch time. Its also how I see everyone else holding hands and there I am all alone. The subsequent flashbacks I have to that Monday night, even on odd occasions seeing her. I'm hurt and upset all the time. 'You'll find someone' 'Who? What? Where? When? How?' [crickets]. My parents even told me,' you should be happy for her'. I tried seeing counsellors but they did nothing except (see line above). I feel hurt, humiliated, shattered, incomplete (because everyone else has a boyfriend/girlfriend) and lonely - every. single. day. Tried 10 online dating sites, not one person interested. Tried Tinder, swiped 400 times, not one person interested. Last month I even texted my uncle before a flight,' at least if the plane crashes I won't have to go through another day alone'. Story of my life for nearly 3 years and seemingly for the next 60 or so (the less the better at this rate) - wondering what I ever did to deserve being alone.

Disclosure: I have aspergers. I do know people but everyone has someone - including other aspies.

2 Replies 2

Community Member

Hi NSun,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. I am sorry to read what you are going through at the moment. Loneliness is just a really hard feeling, weather it be no relationship or not having any friends, it really takes it out of you and I have been in this cycle where I literally felt like I was destined to end up alone. I was lucky enough to meet my wife before all dating sites and Tinder were around but I do know if I was on there I wouldn't of had a single match either so I can almost feel that pain when you wrote it. I was alone for many years after my 18th birthday, the amount of girls I liked but none ever liked me back, always just friends. It is a tough cycle but I can say you can meet someone, there is no time limit on it, I do not know your age but I have friends who didn't meet anyone until their early-mid 30's. One thing I can say is finding someone with similar interests to you is generally key. Do you have any hobbies you enjoy doing?

I know you said you have seen counsellors before as well and found them of no use, did you find that you clicked with them, like speaking to them was like speaking to a friend? Please also let us know how you want us to help you on these forums, are you looking for somewhere to vent or find people who have been through similar situations?

My best for you,


Community Member


Very similar to my life experience...

Think what sort of person you are looking for - do you want a short term partner and forever person, a best friend? What should their interests be? Then I would agree that you look for that someone in a place where you are doing something good, enjoyable and fun that interests you. Then be brave. If it does not work, then another person will come when you least expect it. The meantime is the trouble time. So, leave some of your jobs and tasks for that time - when you will need to work through you feelings but also have some things to do to distract you and help you from getting overwhelmed.

If you still have not met someone, loneliness is terrible and goes against our natural needs and desires. Awful emotion. I write and walk and talk. Yes even to myself sometimes and work on other things I need to do or interest me. You must keep up your self confidence. Its not necessarily anything you are doing or not. Its perhaps the wrong place and time. I hope this helps. If not, please disregard.