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Any advice welcome
yet again I have left my mums house in tears
my sister is a complete narcissist and has my mum completely under her spell
she is always pointing out flaws in me, and playing the victim, no one does anything for her, no one protected her, and she uses guilt to get people around her to bend to her every whim
she has upset me many times and I have tried to keep my distance, but she lives with my mum, whom I try to see every week.
sh wanted to have a chat, and told me that I had upset her, and that I am not making the effort to keep the family unit together, she whispers in mums ear all the time, causing friction between us, she has accused me of being jealous of her, and not supporting her, I am sick of being there when she wont help herself.
i mentioned some things that had upset me. All she did was threw it back at me saying she didn't mean it and it was my fault,
i admit I have said some things out of line in the past but this is purely down to frustration
she saya she wants to go out as a family but my partner doesn't like the way she treats me and won't go, that is now my fault as I am not making him make the effort
I think the worse thing about this is that I feel I cannot go and see my mum, whom I once had a very close relationship with as she is always there
i got married,9 months later she did, I looked at a house I wanted didn't get it, she bought one in the same street, I moved away, she followed, she has messed up her own life but still plays the victim,
she is always talking about herself and how fabulous she is, but won't admit to it
apart from cutting myself off completely from this drama what can I do, I try not to let her get to me, but every time she still does
this is not half of the story but it will give you an idea, I just can't keep doing this
Hi Not My Monkeys.
I am in your boat too. I believe I have two NPD sisters, one whom I've cut out of my life many years ago and the other who lives with my parents. Sadly they both do all that you advised in regards to being in the mother's ear, so it's constant turmoil for Mum to yield to their conflicting extreme demands.
I recently joined a Borderline Personality Disorder family help group (due to the similarly with NDP) and am finding this tremendously valuable but really want to ensure that there is support for NPD carers or loved ones. Have you come across any?
I have done solo therapy, but really getting lots out of the group sessions
Wishing you well. Be strong lovely. Xx
Like Not my monkeys and JLR25 I believe that my sister has narcissistic tendencies and also projects.
It's such a relief that I'm not alone. I didn't ever notice her "ways" until I started saying no to her. Every family occasion was at her house or at a venue that she agreed to.
Unfortunately I feel that both my parents, particularly my Mum has enabled this for many years. When things got tough for her they would always be there to get her back on her feet. From an early age where she got unwelcome attention from boys lifting her skirt at primary school she was moved to a girls school, when she divorced her husband my parent purchased a house with her so she and her children would have the best rather than building her resilience and having her go out and rent or buy a cheaper house.
Every time we butt heads she runs straight to Mum who seems to take her word as gospel.
I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I went to her for help she told me to get over it.
She has told me not to take advantage of our parents generosity but she will never offer to pay when we're out as a family unless I get my wallet out to pay for my meal. She invites my Mum shopping with her especially with her children as she knows Mum will want to pay to help out. It has gone a step further and she has somehow worked a way to have two of her children's education at a private school paid for by our parents to their detriment.
I have been told by Mum that you have to give up things to send your children to a private school while my sister has given up nothing.
Anything I say about my sister is regarded as negative and everything is my fault as they are under her spell.
How do I tell my parents they are being taken advantage of?
How do I remove this negativity from my life?
I was considering sending my sister a letter saying that I love her as my sister but not what she does and that she needs to get help to get our family back to how it should be.Unfortunately from experience I would be the bad guy and it would all be my fault.
Every time we have family get togethers my anxiety goes through the roof and I can't sleep for weeks before.
What should I do?