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Narcissistic family Intimidation subtle indirect threats

Community Member
Im in a narcissistic family and my mum has this long time friend, ex bf. Now ive blocked out an incident 10 years ago where she asked me to go and "help him" move stuff, drive it from his supposed bikie gang friends place. He told me to wait in a room i was just sitting in the for atleast 10 mins. He came back and i cant really remember but i think him pointing something out and repeating, getting more passive aggressive to look at something, maybe a police uniform. And i think he said something about his computer being able to track ppl. I remember crying and intimidation theres nothing wrong with my mum. Drove back in probably PTSD and got him a fine for driving past a toll booth which my mum guilted me about.
Since then theres been a few times where shes told me i should go and see him cause i argued against her. And somewhere in the convo of him convincing me that im wrong he always mentions about his bikie friends coming down. So whats been happening is indirect threats ive been shutting out

Now 2-3 years ago my ex left me and my narc parents started picking up their abuse. So i tell my grandfather that they are emotionally abusing me. He pretending that he misheard and says "using you? dont you use your her all the time" i say no abusing me, emotionally abusing me. "oh i thought you said using, dont your use your mother all the time?" (My mother made me a codependant) and it turns into blameshifting. I say no, emotional abuse kind of like what your doing to me right now. Later my mum guilt trips me about it "what did you do to your grandfather?" I stood up for myself for once
Sometime after that im walking down my street and my mums long term friend pulls up to talk to me. Says "I dont mind helping your mum out" weird "...yea, i know" i agreed. And at the end he says his bikie friend and his son are coming down to visit too.
So that lead to him going to my driveway rev his engine aggressively and at random times, pretty sure his friend parked to block the driveway once aswell. I also got intimidating stares someone either living with him or next to him. Got PTSD and hyper vigilance. It was at xmas time so not sure if there were other ppl involved but there sure seemed to be a lot of trucks that drove past my place all the time. Hes the boss of a concreting business.
She said she cut him off cause of me which i know is a lie. And he comes over sometimes to help my sister

Should i be filing a police report or more?
1 Reply 1

Community Member

Hi Jay C,

Good to see you posting on the forum to get some support and possibly advise. It sounds like you have a difficult relationship with your mum and her friends. You are not alone as many people struggle with creating healthy relationships but there are things you can do. There is not enough information in your post for me to advise if you should go to the police to file a report. If you are feeling threatened or unsafe, you could contact a support line and get some more specific advise. You could try the Beyond Blue support line on 1300 22 4636 or 1800 RESPECT. If you ever feel as though you are in immediate danger, you could contact 000.

As far as rebuilding relations with your mum and addressing some of the incidents that have occurred in the past, you can get some support by first going to a Doctor. They can help you figure out if you need some more intensive support. If you are not comfortable going to a doctor (GP) you could ring the Beyond Blue support line 1300 22 4636 and talk to a support person on the phone who may be able to offer you more advise on where to get help. There is also a chat feature on the Beyond Blue page where you can talk to someone using the chat feature in more real time.

Relationship difficulties are common and having experienced some difficult situations in your past, it may be of benefit to talk with someone such as a counsellor or Doctor. This way you can start healing and working on feeling safe and strong in your relationships. It can be really hard to make other people change but you can always work on yourself first and build up your strength. There are a lot of resources you can access and you have already taken a brave first step by reaching out on the forum. Now might be the time to take another step and get some support by a health professional. Let us know how you go.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn