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My wife left me, my kids are hurting and I’m Lost
Yesterday my wife said she was taking the kids ‘out for a bit’. An hour and a half later I get a text saying ‘there’s a letter for you in the study’. The letter said she was leaving me and she will have told the kids by the time I read it.
my immediate reaction was to call and to know where my children were, I could hear them crying in the background and it sounded outside so I started driving around hoping to find them.
Eventually she called me saying she was dropping the kids back. She dropped them at the end of the street and they ran crying back to the house.
my Son is 9yo and trying to bottle it in my daughter is 14 and just feels abandoned. I can’t even begin to process my pain when my children are hurting so much. My daughter begs me to fix it and make mum come back she doesn’t understand my wife has no interest in fixing things.
Does anyone have any experience in how to help children through this. We haven’t slept we just pace around randomly bursting into tears but unable to help each other
We can hear it’s an incredibly painful time for you and your kids. Well done for sharing this with the community during such a difficult time. The lovely people here will have kind words, advice and understanding for you.
We’d recommend having a chat with the Family Relationship Advice Line on 1800 050 321. They offer free advice to families going through separation. There’s also Parentline (who have a number for each state listed here) – both of these organisations offer advice, support, and you can talk it through with them. Kids Helpline have some advice for supporting your kids through a separation here. We’d also encourage the kids to call Kids Helpline themselves on 1800 55 1800 – they can also reach out online, or check out their page for kids and teens whose parents are separating here.
We can imagine how hard it must be to be supporting your kids through this while going through an immensely painful experience yourself. It’s really important to reach out and find some support to help you get through this. We’d love for you to give our counsellors a ring on 1300 22 4636, or chat to them online here.
Thank you again for your courage and strength in sharing your story here. We hope you can be as kind to yourself as you have been in sharing here, as it’s really important to look after yourself and reach out when you need to talk it through. Our counsellors are here for you, anytime you’d like to chat.
I'm really glad you've come here to share and get some advice. You're all in a lot of pain because of how your wife has handled this.. I can see it's very traumatic for you and the kids and it's unfair on all of you.
You have a lot on your plate battling with your own pain and heartbreak, all the while bearing the responsibility of taking care of your kids and nursing their pain too. It's a lot to grapple with..
It sounds like this is something really hard to deal with on your own.. Do you have friends/family around you right now that you can talk to and know about what has happened?
They need you more than ever right now and you're an amazing father for being there as best as you can. Perhaps everything happening so recently means that you all have deep wounds and they need to heal on their own for now.. You all need to feel what you feel, and naturally you feel the pressure to nurse their pain, take away the hurt and fix everything because you love them dearly. It's all happened so soon and I'd imagine you would all be in a lot of shock.. I hope you can come to know that for the present moment, perhaps there isn't a right/wrong way to do things, and the most important thing is being able to process what has happened naturally without any pressure to feel better.
From my point of view, I think all of you feeling what you're feeling with each other is so important, and it's the most natural thing to do right now. As the days go on, perhaps naturally you will all strive to have some normality by doing the things you normally would, taking them to school, cooking dinner, little things like that. Your children being so young means that they'll need a lot of time to process things and have it sink in a bit more. I think you're creating a safe space to do that by not bottling things up yourself.
Your own mental health is so important. More than anything at the moment.. What is it that you feel you want and need the most going forward?
I'm sending as much love and strength as I can. What you have all gone through is extremely traumatic.. Loss is one of the hardest things to process. Please be welcome to share and vent as little or as much as you like, I care and I want to hear your story, and we're all hear to listen. I'm here for a chat when you need it.
Great post Isabella
Haven't got much time ATM but after my marriage split I worried about our kids. Their principal told me "your kids are more resilient than us adults"
Thank you all, it’s so raw at the moment I don’t know what I want. She won’t tell me where she’s living and she made our son turn off his Apple Watch yesterday so I couldn’t find them. I don’t know why I’ve never been abusive or anything I can think of as to why.
i sent her a message saying she should see the kids because I want them to have a good relationship with her and right now the kids are blaming her so she needs to fix that.
she Finally responded saying her parents will be arriving in an hour to collect the kids and take them to her.
Now I’m scared I won’t see them again because I don’t understand the secrecy I don’t know what to do
Ok, try to calm down.
I would explain to your kids that sometimes people get upset, they also get confused and need some time alone. Until then we have to continue to love her and hope she is ok. Your grandparents have contact with her som we'll just wait a while until thing settle"