My wife and kids are leaving me and I feel worthless

[JD8]

My wife of 14 years is leaving me. I’m absolutely distraught and feel I have nothing else to live for. We began having trouble around 10 months ago where we both identified we had some mental health issues and needed to work on ourselves then work on us as a couple. Now she doesn’t want to work on us anymore and has had a wall up between us for months and won’t commit to trying to fix our relationship. I can’t imagine life without her

[GoodWitch]

JD8

I'm so sorry about this. Did your wife give you a clearer indication of what caused her decision? Are there specific things she is asking you to do? It is possible her own mental health issues are very overwhelming, and perhaps she doesn't feel she has enough to give the relationship right now. That may not mean the end of you, she might need to simply work through some things - and you might to - separately, before you can consider coming together as whole people.

I hope you are seeking some individual counselling through this. It can be very beneficial to talk things out with a professional. You need to look after yourself first and foremost. I can imagine how difficult it is to contemplate a life without your wife, but you can have one, if it comes to that. Are you able to provide more detail about your wife's reasoning? Any further background?

I hope you're ok

GW

[smallwolf]

Hi JD8,

Welcome to beyond blue.

Sorry about the very late delay in responding. Unfortunately, sometimes things seem to slip through the cracks in the system. First of all, I want you to know that you are alone here, and the people here are very friendly, supportive and non-judgemental. Secondly, is that I am listening to you.

I cannot imagine what it would be like to have something that was a constant for so many years taken away from you. Other people in this section of the forum will have posted similar stories to yours, and will hopefully reply to you with suggestions for coping and moving forward.

You said that you identified issues in yourselves you needed to work on and then as a couple. I assume that you were getting professional help? And if so, did you ever speak with your wife about anything in those sessions.(I see a psych on a regular basis and invariably will be asked if I can say that to my wife or person X. The idea is that before the next session I will have said something to my wife. Well my wife will ask me what we chatted about, and I tell her how much I want to tell her. Some things are reserved.)

My next question is whether you were/are able to speak with you wife as to reason for not wanting to fixing the relationship? My my thoughts are there is a reason for most things in ourselves, and once we are able to work out the why, that can be addressed. In this case whether that is working out a solution in moving forward as a couple is only something you and her can work out? But also sometimes we (read "ME") are not yet in a position to be able to tell the other person due to embarrassment, shame or whatever. Fwiw, it has taken me over a year to start to work out the root cause for my own issues.)

And since you also the father of her children there are still opportunities for a conversation or two?

I hope you get to read this and will come back and let us know how you are getting on.

Tim

Can I ask wh