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Hi everyone, I'm a 54 year old male who has been married to my gorgeous wife for 3 years and we have known each other for 9 years. She is ten years younger than me. When we met she informed me of her history of depression and bipolar and whether it scared me off. It didn't and it doesn't as it doesn't define her, it is simply a part of her.
I am the major breadwinner, do most of the cooking, housework, getting our medications ready for the morning (her medication for her condition and my heart medications). Things have being going well except for our sex life which plummetted dramatically after about two years together when she had a boost to her medications. As frustrating as it was to have a reduced sex life due to her lowered sex drive, sex isn't everything and we worked through it.
For all intents and purposes our relationship was going along swimmingly.............. until a month ago. We never fought, we did everything together and friends always remarked that we were joined at the hip. Every day she would call me three or four times and always finish with those three special words "I love you" and I would reply "you too."
Four weeks ago this changed dramatically. I got the "you're my best friend and I love you dearly but I don't think I'm in love with you anymore." Then the "why do you love me anyway, what do you get from me?" as well as "I'm 44 and I'm a burden on you", "I brought nothing into this marriage", "its not you it's me, I need to work out how I feel", "you've done nothing wrong, I just don't know how I'm feeling." All these statements putting herself down. It rocked me to the core. She has now been moving in and out of the house for the past four weeks, staying at friends places and then moving back for a couple of days, sleeping in the spare room. We have no children but we have pets that need daily medications (just like us) so she has been in every day to medicate the animals. She gives me a hug and says "I'm moving out because I can't handle it if you cry because I'll cry and I don't want to cry".
She still calls me three or four times a day, when she gets up, when she's off to work, when she's leaving work. This is what she has always done except there is no "I love you" at the end lately.
It's been hard and I'm lucky that I have good close friends I can talk to and even her mother who simply said "It's that bipolar". I'm now seeing a psychologist to assist me in working through this as it's so hard.
Hi Bmacca and welcome to our community
Life is very difficult for you at the moment. It seems like it truly is in a whirlwind - not knowing what is happening. Getting one message then another, each as though it seemingly contradicts the other.
It's very pleasing to hear you have support from close friends and you are seeing a psychologist. That is reassuring I'd imagine. Though it doesn't help you to understand what's happening.
I'm not a health professional, nor do I have bipolar. I have PTSD, anxiety and depression. So does my partner of 38 years. It can be very difficult when one or the other of us has been triggered. I find it especially hard when he's been triggered and refuses to acknowledge it. He passes all his anxiety, stress on to me. Of course I only pick up on it because of my own history. But it is frustrating and it hurts.
Maybe you might find it useful to do a little research about bipolar (if you haven't already). For instances, the forums contain a lot of stories from people who have bipolar or who live with someone who has. You can do a search in the forums by going to the top of the page and entering keywords, e.g. bipolar partner.
Also, you might like to have a read of the thread - This Bipolar Life under the Staying Well forum. You can do a search for it.
I hope some of this helps bmacca. You're not alone.
He was engaged in the production of wine, and I love surfing so this place suited both of us.
But a year later he cheated on me and with a new girlfriend went to know where? Yes Yes! To Sydney!
I was crushed but didn't give up. Now I live still here and open to new relationships.
I’m considering returning to Sydney, but for now, I’m also happy!