My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

[Mandeth]

I’m broken....so many emotions ! I’m so angry at my son, but I’m so worried about him. I’ve raised him and he’s become a monster. He’s only 21. But I still love him

He’s done some really awful things to some innocent people. There was a police search for 3 days and now he’s in remand. It’s where he should be, but it’s breaking my heart.

Drugs, Anything he can get his hands on or smoke. Thinks he’s invincible.

Raised in a normal (whatever that is) family home. Happy married parents, 3 siblings that function well in life, good education incouraged, but rebelled again it, rebelled against everything. Always loved and offerd support for his obvious struggles, with trying to function in adolescent life.

I feel like we missed something, I don’t understand why he’s so angry and needs to block everything out with drugs and inturn has lead him to a life of crime and violence.

He has a 8 month old daughter, our granddaughter, that he’s never met 😕

My baby boy is going to jail and I can’t do anything about it, I can’t protect him, I know he’d be scared and I can’t help him, it’s killing me 😕😕😕

[demonblaster]

Mandeth thankyou for posting & welcome to bb

Im very sorry this would be ripping you

So often kids do drugs that come from loving supportive families

It's clear to see you have strong love for him & understandable you being angry & so hurt

I'm listening anytime you need to talk

[Doolhof]

Hi Mandeth,

Welcome to the community here. I'm really sorry to read your story. It is very hard to understand why a person who seems to have everything to live for, and has a loving and caring family can turn to drugs and find themselves in so much trouble.

I'd like to direct you to a thread called "Sadness, grief and regret over sons incarceration". Recently there has been a Mum expressing similar to you and July, the lady who originally started the thread has recently reconnected with the thread.

If you read through some of the thread, hopefully you will gain some insight and helpful advice from past messages on the thread.

Is it possible for you to get some support for yourself through all of this? Can you see a counsellor? Maybe there is a support group of some kind near you that could help.

Hopefully you will feel supported here and can find help where you are as well. Do you have family and friends there supporting yo through this or will you keep this news away from people you know?

Thinking of you and your son, from Dools

[bindi-QLD]

Hi Mandeth, I only wanted to add that I've known of a lot of sociopaths and drug addicts who came come from loving, happy families as well. Some I knew personally. I also used to be part of an online support group for family members with sociopathic relatives. For parents of socipaths, it is by far the hardest. I can understand how painful it is for you.

It may help to know, in spite of what we see on TV and in movies, sociopathy is usually genetic, not anything you did, or could do. Most people I met in support groups shared the opinion that you can absolutely love your relative, but a `safe' relationship with them would need to be kept at arms length, and very detached.

[geoff]

hi Mandeth, from what you have told us I am really sorry to know that your son is where he is and that he has an addiction, it must be heartbreaking for you, I would be no different.

I'm sure he has been brought up in a loving family, but it doesn't take much for any adolescent to be convinced that there is an easier way to cope, whether it was his mates or someone outside of school who has just asked him to try something out of the ordinary, especially if he has been having a terrible day.

A large majority of parents do raise their children with all the love and care they deserve, all it takes is just one small problem to go wrong that may encourage them, and once that happens, it continues.

I am truly sorry because he maybe struggling inside, but we have to try and open that locked door he is hiding from everybody.

I have to apologise because most of this had been written quite early, but I had to leave and for that I'm truly sorry. Geoff. x

[Capybara]

Hi Mandeth,

Sorry to hear you're going through this. My brother spent 6 months in prison (and 6 months on parole), also an ice addict. It's incredibly hard to see a loved one go behind bars and my feeling was that it would either be the best or the worst thing for him. In my brother's case, there were some positives - for one thing he got clean and he didn't try to access anything while inside, and we also had some of the most honest conversations we've ever had when I visited him in prison.

The prison system is pretty demoralising and he'll probably need a lot of support from you and his family and friends. Hopefully this will be a wake-up call to him - important that he knows you're all there for him if he's going to choose a different path going forward.

I'm here if you have any questions.

Take care.

[Bethie]

Hi

Prior to getting clean and sober i tried Ice. It is hell. I'm not a violent person but it made me want to fight. Luckly i knew what was going on so stayed away from everyone. Now with 17 years sobriety it seems like a life time ago. With addiction i often explain it to people by asking if they found a majic pill that would stop everything they are feeling just for a while would they take it? Well thats how dependancy works.

My husband was in and out of jail as a heroin addict for years before we met. Luckly he has only been back once in 19 years now for a minor matter only 3 months.

Try to encourage him to do coarses while he is inside. It is all free. Sadly drugs are easilly availble inside and people get out with huge debts so they need to resort to crime to pay them back. If your son wants to get clean he needs to do either A.A or N.A while there. It will give him support and a degree of safety. $20 or $30 a week is plenty to put into his prison account for extras

[Guest_7403]

Hi Mandeth,

I don't usually post but thought i would considering im an officer at the remand centre.

ICE unfortunately is too easily available in the community, and highly addictive.

Obviously remand is somewhere you don't want to be, but it is a good time for him to dry out as he most likely couldn't on the outside.

I work closely with youth inside, there are options and programs he can do if he's willing to make that change. Caraniche, anger and mood management programs.

Jail can either go two ways for a first timer, it can scare them senseless into making that lifestyle change or they can make friends and become better criminals through networking.

Its really up to the individual and whether they want to change

Regards

An officer with empathy

[demonblaster]

You post & empathy's appreciated borderline

[Mandeth]

Thank you Capybara

Im trying hard to stay positive, but also struggling.

I’ve never had anything to do with jail or how the system works. They not telling me much due to my son being over 18. Struggling to even have contact with him, he’s refusing to talk to me at the moment and I’m told to just be patient and he’ll contact me when he’s ready. I’m presuming he’s going through withdrawals currently.

I feel so helpless, just want to let him know I’m here for him 😕