- Beyond Blue Forums
- Caring for myself and others
- Relationship and family issues
- My son might be gay, I'm confused
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Pin this Topic for Current User
- Printer Friendly Page
My son might be gay, I'm confused
Hey guys, as the title says I'm confused and not sure how to deal with this situation.
He is 31 and has been in two long term relationship with females, homosexuality has never been discussed. He's never mentioned anything lie that to me and I've never had any suspicion about it.
He lives with me and we have a mutual friend who's gay. This gay friend told me that they are dating, but my son doesn't want anyone to know, not even me. But he decided to share this secret with me and asked me not to tell anyone, and not to let my son know that I know about it. I promised to keep it a secret and not to confront my son, but I can't stop thinking about it and I'm very confused.
I'm not sure if the gay friend is telling the truth and I'm really worried about this whole thing. I can't talk to anyone about it, because I promised to keep it as a secret and I don't want cause trouble to anyone.
My son was deeply hurt by both of his long term relationships with his girlfriends and I'm worried that he turned to a gay man because he doesn't trust women anymore. It's very confusing to me because I've never thought he was gay. And I'm worried for him not feeling comfortable talking to me about it or coming out if he's really gay. I want to be there for him and tell him that I love him and three is nothing wrong with being gay, but I can't because I have to keep this to myself and I can't let him know that I know.
Its a tricky situation and I don't know how to deal with this. I can't get it out of my head and I would appreciate some advice
Thank you for reply Dan, I appreciate it.
I'd like to apologise for my ignorance..... I've never heard of people turning gay, I don't know why I said that. I've always been a big supporter of the gay community and I know it's an orientation from the start.
I think my son is bisexual, that's what our gay friend told me. And yes he betrayed my son by telling me.... I thought of that straight away. I told him that I hope he won't tell anyone else, he should respect my son's wishes.
I hope my son will be able to tell me one day. He knows I wouldn't have a problem with it. .... I think he knows anyway.
thank you again
hugs from Sola
To what has been already said it doesn't matter which team your son bats with. He is now and always be your son. His humor way of thinking hasn't changed. Just keep on supporting him the same as before. My 18 year old came out telling me she thinks she is Bi possible L I just sat there told her that was fine. ( as a parent I didn't need to know that. to much info) But at least she knows no matter what I am there for her. Sola Thats all you have to be to your son. A mother no more no less. There have been times I have been approached by either gender and said no thanks. Other times yes to my preferred gender. Who is to say which is the best one. The one who is going to bed with you your choice.
My first feeling I had,had nothing to do with the situation.
As a parent I just felt so sad and probably angry that your friend has put you in this spot.
Maybe put it back onto him and ask him to tell your son. How could he expect a mother to take any news and not feel total turmoil because you can't speak to your own son.
big hugs Sola
Thanks Kanga, you are right....nothing's changed, he's the same gorgeous son and there is nothing wrong with being Bi. I feel a lot better now, thanks for your support.
hugs from Sola
Hey Later, you are spot on. He put me in the spot and that's why I was upset. But never mind, I feel better now. Thank you so much for your support. You guys are awesome.
Hugs from Sola
Being gay/bisexual makes no difference he's still your gorgeous son and I'm sure he would be so relieved to know he has your support.
If he is
Raise the topic in a casual way or how you normally talk with him. Geoff.
Thank you Geoff, very good advice. He's away at the moment, but I will bring up the subject gently when he's back and see how he will respond. I won't tell him what I know ..... I want him to tell me when he's comfortable sharing that information with me.
Thanks again for your great reply, I appreciate your support.
Hugs from Sola