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My sister has stopped talking to me
Hi. I'm looking for some advice to deal with my sister, who has recently stopped talking to me. We have never really been super close, but have still stayed in contact every few months as we know family is important.
Recently, she started to get a bit hostile towards me and argued over little things, I felt I was walking on eggshells. If I tried to reach out to her she wouldn't answer my calls. I understand people get busy, but I get the feeling it's more than that.
It's not a nice feeling getting the silent treatment and I'm left feeling quite drained at times. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this sort of thing and how you approached it?
Welcome to Beyond Blue forums..
I am sorry this has happened to you...
I have 2 adult sons now...as they were younger they didn’t have a really close relationship...They were 2 completely different personalities...
Once they both married and started their own families they drifted more apart and they rarely speak to each other..But if one needed the other..the other brother would be their with no questions asked...
Even though they don’t speak to each other on a regular basis..they do very much love each other..
Is it possible at all to invite your sister over for a coffee so you can both sit down and talk to each other, to try to work it all out and find out if their is something that’s bothering her..maybe it’s not she has distanced herself from you could be something else that’s troubling her...and she doesn’t want to bring her troubles to you..
If she does come at first just keep the conversation general and talk about your happy memories...and hopefully she might just open up to you...
Kind thoughts Gloria...
Hello Gloria, and if I can welcome you to the forums.
No matter how much we love our siblings while we are young, growing up together we tend to have difficult ideas on how we want to develop, and even twins make their own decision.
This may not be for any reason except they want to close up and don't want to talk to anyone.
The silent treatment is awful, and I've had to cope with this myself, but what it may indicate is that they could be suffering from some type of depression, although I'm not qualified to say, it doesn't mean they don't love you, depression can't show love.
Try and approach them and ask if they would like your help to go and see their GP.
My sister and I have a similar problem occasionally. Often the cause if this will be them dealing with there own problems or are simply busy. A few years ago we developed a thing we call SNS (sister needs sister), when this card is played the other must sit and talk with the other and listen without judgment or interrupting the other. We sit and explain why we have acted they way we have then the other takes her turn explaining why this has hurt her and what she wants to change. I know feeling like you are loosing your sister feel horrible but if you get a chance to talk to her be honest and open.
YOU ARE STONG
Thank's Ggrand! what you have said about the relationship between your two sons is very similar with my sister and I. We are both very different but have always been there when needed.
It's just tricky with the holidays approaching and I'm worried about confronting her. I appreciate the advice of keeping the topics light and happy, so I can certainly try that.
I've just been feeling a bit hurt as I don't feel I've done anything wrong to deserve it.
That's such a great idea Thebluepineapple, I think that's very responsible of both of you 🙂
Hi Geoff, it is possible that she is dealing with depression and doesn't want to bring it to me. We've had a tough time in the family this year so it's quite possible it is affecting her. It's just hard when she seems to be fine with everyone else.
Hello Gloria, thanks for getting back to us.
Sometimes we just can't work out why people make decisions or actually do what we believe is not to your liking.
She maybe pretending to other people and it's not easy to know whether this is happening or not, and depression isn't carried from one person to another, it depends on how susceptible you are.
Let's hope these other people can persuade her to speak to you.
Please try hard not to stress about seeing your sister through the holiday season...When we..Well I know when I start stresses out about anything I start making scenarios in my mind and when the time comes I am a complete mess, but when the time comes..everything is usually okay..
I am certain your sister loves you a lot as you love her....She could be going through a rough patch...or depressed as Geoff has suggested.....When you see her, sweetheart just greet her in a caring and loving way...Over the phone, msg etc..we cannot see them..and it’s hard to know if something is bothering them....because your not face to face and because you can’t see them..things might be made worse then they really are by stress/anxiety...
It’s nice you came back and talked some more...please continue to do so if you feel up to it...
Kind thoughts Gloria...with love and some hugs...
Siblings can have sibling rivalry, is there a chance that your sister could be envious or jealous over something? If you are the more successful or golden child of the family growing up and into adulthood these feelings could still linger.
Hope the holiday season, everything goes ok. Christmas can be very stressful and this time of the year could cause her discomfort.
Try not to add to her fuel to the fire, try to be patient and relaxed around her. Offer love and support and hopefully that will warm the frostiness of her behaviour.
If prolong the behaviour it will become more of a personal thing to you and may need to see the patterns of her behaviour and dot to dot them to find the issue.
Sisters are important in any ones life, I hope that no great hurt and more mending comes to help strengthen the relationship.
All the best
I'm sorry it has taken a while for me to respond, but I've had no internet at home.
Ggrand, what you said about creating scenarios in my head was spot on. When I saw her recently nothing I was imagining would happen did. I am slowly learning that what I think will happen isn't always the case and I'm trying to push past it, it isn't easy though.
While we are speaking again, I still feel there is uneasiness between us. I would like to speak to hear about what is going on, but I might wait until after the Christmas period.
Thanks everyone for your support with this 🙂