My partner who is suffering from depression has told me 'I feel nothing for you but have feelings for a one time mutual friend'

[Sally2325]

Hi Guys

Some of you may have read my post regarding supporting a partner with depression and how to deal with the emotional walls that they put up. Unfortunately, our relationship has hit rock bottom. My husband told me in January that he didn't love me anymore. At that stage he was suffering depression which was undiagnosed - over the next few weeks I convinced him to go to the GP and I attended with him. He began treatment then. For a few months everything seemed to stabilise (in terms of our relationship - I can't say he was completely warm but was in my mind making a bit of an effort). Then his winter sport kicked in - he started spending all weekend doing that and spending more and more time with a mutual female friend who I had always suspected had an interest in him. Twelve months ago we had planned to travel from SA to WA for a race in July (as a family -drive the Nullarbor and all that) but in May he told me that he didn't think that I (or our daughter) should go because it would use all my annual leave up. A few weeks later he told me that he was going with the "mutual" friend. I knew then there was more to the story but he refused to discuss it further. Last weekend he went to another interstate race alone - or thats what he told me. Another mutual friend told me that he travelled over with the friend (not that he told me), then a work colleague saw him in the area of where the friend lives (he has a distinctive car) and innocently mentioned it. Friday night I confronted him about how cold he was being with me and even with our daughter at times. He finally told me that he had feelings for the friend and has had for months. He told me that he hasn't had sexual relations with her but I don't know . I can't understand it as he has always said that cheating is one of the worst things anyone could do. Unfortunately I spent most of Saturday crying and my daughter saw me. I also lost my patience with him after he came home from "training" with her and my daughter saw it. I feel terrible not only for losing my temper at him - I still want to make it work but more my daughter. I'm not sure what I want from posting this. Does anyone else have experience with someone reacting out of character while depressed. Is there hope or should I bite the bullet? Thanks Guys

[Sophie_M]

Hi Sally2325, welcome back to the forums, and sorry to hear things still aren't great between you and your husband.

To help everyone keep up to date with an ongoing situation, we ask that members keep things to one thread.  It means that members replying can provide you with the best answer as they have all the relevant information in front of them (for example, in your last post you mentioned that you and your husband had agreed to a trial separation).

Earlier thread: Supporting a depressed partner

We will update the title of the original thread to reflect what is now happening, and also copy in your most recent post from this new thread.