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my partner of 10 years left me for another girl
Hey everyone here feels your pain, you are not alone. You feel like your world is turned upside down and you lost a life, it's devastating but it's only the end of a chapter. Despite how we may feel most relationships are not for life. Do what you have to do to safely let it out then do what you have to do to heal to make the next chapter in your life as good as possible even better than what you just had. You are number one, you owe it to yourself.
There are numerous resources to help, counseling, hypnotherapy, self hypnosis, audio books, the internet has numerous sites offering advice and forums where you can see that many others are going through the same thing such as this site. Where you can post when you are feeling low. Hope this helps a little.
I can completely sympathise with you about how you feel & they emotions you're going through as today marks 4 months since my husband left me & our marriage. Circumstances were a little different but essentially he also left me but to go live with someone else & he says he feels nothing for me.
Like you I cried, bitched, moaned, unloaded to my family & friends & realised they supported me by listening but many of them have never been through it so I felt I was burdening/frustrating them with my sorrow. BB was a good outlet to get support from people who have been through it & can reassure you that things WILL get better; it just takes time.
I have done 2 counselling sessions & it has helped to talk to someone who is being paid to listen & provide some guidance on how to deal with what I am feeling. It has also helped because I can get a lot of the hate & nastiness out & there's no judgement about not being able to or wanting to forgive, or wanting karmic revenge, or hoping it all blows up in their faces. Don't keep the hate in - let it out. It's been very cathartic so I encourage you to do it.
I have also found that searching on the internet for stories about the situation also help. I have read many stories on 'My husband says he feels nothing', 'My husband is already living with the OW', 'My husband left me' etc & it helps put things in perspective as I am starting to realise he has the issue not me, I deserve better than a lying, cheating husband & that my next relationship won't be built on a lie like his is. They also give you hope because a lot of women go through this & come out stronger on the other side - it just takes time. I encourage you to do this.
Another thing I did was make a brutally honest list of the pros & cons of being in a relationship with him & without him. Don't wear rose coloured glasses when you do this as it may open your eyes that you are only remembering the good times & his best behaviour. Be honest when doing this.
Be brave Lucym. You will have ups & downs just as I still do but I can see myself becoming stronger & I find myself smiling a little more & crying less - it just takes time.
I wish you well.
Thankyou so much Melly997, reading your comment made me realise how much of the hate and pain I am actually keeping inside, I will definitely make sure I don't hold back in my 1st counselling session tomorrow. I don't like wishing anyone pain or misery but I definitely keep thinking I hope it all blows up in his face and I hope she tears his heart out.. Those thoughts do make me feel like a bad person, but I guess you can't help bad thoughts when you're down. I will search the internet for stories and I will make a pros and cons lists for sure, that sounds like a great idea. Thankyou for the advice.
My heart goes out to you Melly997 🙂 xx
DO NOT feel like a bad person because of your thoughts - I sure as hell don't. I envision driving by the house they share & smashing every tile on the roof with a giant sledge hammer. I obviously won't do it but it makes me feel better directing some of my internal anger where it truly needs to go.
What you're feeling is a natural part of dealing with what you are going through. You're human & you're simply reacting to what someone has done TO YOU. You DIDN'T cheat! You DIDN'T lie! You DIDN'T walk away from the marriage! Remember that.
When you go to your session tomorrow you might feel it's all your fault. However after I vented (swearing profusely along the way) my shrink said he sounded like a narcissist. Because he cut me out completely & has made no contact I know I'm never going to get the closure I need or want. But having a 'professional' use a term that meant the problem is his I latched on to it. It has helped me stop blaming myself for things I didn't know or see and couldn't control.
I've read your story & I see the similiarities between us; we both loved & trusted men who let us down. Now it's up to us to get our self worth back & that we deserve better. I know that all sounds cliche but it's true. I always said I'd never stay with a man who cheated but throughout my marriage I became tolerant of the texting he did to (what he refers to as) 'intimate friends'. I sacrificed my standards because I loved a man who in the end was selfish of his own needs and broke my heart - just like your husband did to you.
Just one more thing, if you're still living in the same place as you were - rearrange the furniture. There is nothing worse than walking in a room & seeing him sitting 'over there on the lounge' or 'lying there on the bed'. I moved my house around & even though I miss his presence I don't see him because in it's current layout he was never there. Just another thing I learned from the internet.
Remember another old saying 'As one door closes another one opens'? This is that time.
Again, I wish you well.