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My partner is pushing me away

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

My boyfriend and i have been together for 5 months. We rarely fight, we have common interests and right from the start everything was wonderful up until a week ago.

 We had plans for the saturday night and when the time came to go see him, he message and said he was not feeling right, had a lot on his mind and was feeling overwhelmed with the things in his life. He said he was sorry for pushing me away and didn't want to hurt my feelings but he didn't know what he was going to do. He said he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me. I spoke to him face to face that night and he said that he wanted to be with me, that he enjoyed spending time with me and that he didn't want to lose me. We spoke via text every day during the week and i gave him space to think. He had family over this weekend, but he arranged to catch up with me sometime saturday. When i messaged him saturday i got no reply until 5pm when he said he was on the roof all day. We talked and arranged to meet Sunday at his house. I go around on Sunday to find he isn't there and he hasn't returned any of my calls or text messages. I sad in one of them that i was aware that something was wrong but we can't fix it without talking and still nothing.

I am already not enjoying my job and quite a few things have gone wrong. I have felt anxious and upset all last week and today i am struggling to stop myself from crying. I feel like i dont have anything positive to focus on, because everything seems to have gone wrong at once. I don't know what i have done wrong or what i could have possibly done to avoid feeling like this, but now i'm struggling to cope. I'm terrified of being alone and i think i am in love with this guy which makes it that much more painful.

I just don't know what to do and i know that a couple of weeks is hardly anything. People live feeling like this for years and i know my situation sounds pathetic, but i just can't shake the horrible, overwhelming sad feeling.

1 Reply 1

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi CK1234567890,

I am sorry you are hurting so much. It is part of loving that we risk pain.

It is hard to say from the post why your boyfriend is avoiding you. There may be bigger things going on or he may not have the ability to tell you straight up that he wants out (if he even does). The thing is, you may not have done anything wrong, anyway. It is also possible that he just needs to step back a little because he is scared of commitment. Men scared of commitment? Who'd have thought it?

The one thing that is for sure, is that no one can force someone else to be in a relationship with them. Yes, it is unfair to be treated poorly or not given the decency of an explanation, but is is also part of some relationships that they are doomed to end that way. 

No matter what has happened, there is no point in worrying about the part you cannot control (his actions). Concern yourself with what you can control, your life. You are grieving right now. Read up on the five stages and accept there is no shortcut through them. Call the 1300 number or talk to a counsellor if you feel that will help. Focus on things that will help; sleep, exercise, avoiding booze.

I will keep an eye out for your posts and I am sorry I couldn't say anything encouraging about your situation. I am just trying to give you the basic advice to help you manage coming weeks better.

Kind regards, John.