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My partner doesn’t understand mental illness

Community Member


my partner and I have been together for 9years and have a 7 yr old son together.

i have been recently diagnosed with anxiety, depression and bipolar.

Ive been in meds and they are helping but I still have downers and stay in bed for days on end and he does not understand at all..

i don’t blame him but I get frustrated when I ask for help because he thinks I should be taking my son to school and cleaning and cooking.. now usually I do when I’m feeling ok and I enjoy it !! But the days that I feel horrible I just can’t function to even go to the toilet let alone everything else.

He used every word under the sun.. your lazy, you only have one thing to do and you can’t do it, why would you want another child.. the list goes on.

I’m not no angel here when he starts on me I do get overwhelmed and anxious and very very angry and nasty.

I was supposed to start new meds for my bipolar and my gp said you need to have someone around you to help you and I told my partner and he was not there at all and now I don’t take the tablets.

I don’t have any family and have a couple of friends but don’t want to burden them.

its only his family that’s around.

i just want to know if people have experienced the same thing as me in their home and how did they overcome it. Any advice will be great !! I do love him so much and I just want help.

2 Replies 2

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hey Danie welcome to BB, you've come to a great supportive caring community

Yeah very hard for people to understand when they don't experience similar or same.
I have BP too and completely understand where you're coming from on the exhausted no motivation, depressive side, it's near impossible to get motivated to do anything. The wickedly deep depression alone let alone the severe exhaustion is crippling.

Somehow if you can he needs to understand where you're at with this.

The tablets will hopefully be of help to you, I hope he or someone can be there for you when you take them if you do later.

My beautiful loving partner of 28yrs I lost in 2015 to leukaemia, we had a great relationship but he struggled understanding and same I used to go off too but only really out of defending myself, he was a beautiful bloke but didn't get it until a lot later he did start to get an understanding. I get that it'd be hard for sure and I have faults too just so much easier when there's understanding.

It's hell but the mania aye, Oh soooo good lol.

Wondering if you got some pamphlets or booklets or find some relevant info on the net (I checked out a lot of sites and info, you get different stuff from different places) and print out for him to read in his own time. The more people know the better tolerated hopefully we'll be. Life's great but hard too & harder with MI.

I suggest but entirely your call that you do talk to your friends, then they'll be able to hopefully support you too.

I talk openly to people, they/we need to know about all issues people have I reckon for understanding and support.

Good luck 🙂
Hope you return to let us know how you go.

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Daniela, welcome

Im bipolar so I get how your challenges are.

It is really important you both work as a team to the challenges you face. Your home wint function as a normal home so hubby will need to accept that but you must also make some extra effort, when you can, to help make up for the shortfall of your illness.

Id seek clarification with you dictor about taking meds only when hubby is around. Im not saying it isnt true but I've never heard if that before. It doesnt seem practical.

Relationship counseling might help. Both sides it seems need some anger management. He appears overwhelmed with holding the house together.

Best of luck. Here are some threads to read. You can just read the first post of each thread.

Use google

Topic: who cares for the carer?- beyondblue

Topic: depression, the timing of motivation- beyondblue

Tony WK