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My parent encouraged me to suicide?
In the heat of an argument where both myself and my Mum were in a fight and shooting off swears at each other, my Mum said she regretted feeling sorry for me feeling suicidal. While this doesn’t directly imply she wants me to commit suicide, it’s not exactly ethical to say even by insult standards to someone who experienced a close brush by feeling suicidal last year.
I was holidaying down in Margaret River in Western Australia with my family when this happened and I was NOT enjoying it.
The weather was awful, what internet we had was super slow after the first day, pillows got wet through the caravan, I was expected to go down there and set up with my Dad when my Mum and little Brother has little reason to come later, I was expected to stay later than my Mum and little brother even though I hated the place. I could go on, but I was considering catching a bus back to Perth two days in.
When they decided to kick my little brother off his bed and remove an undersheet for the sake of “back problems” on their part that was the last straw for me:
1. There’s nothing stopping them from doing the same thing to me further down the line beyond their word.
2. They could easily have experimented with their own bed and sleeping and/or got a new mattress instead of kicking my LB off his bed.
When I tried to explain to them my concerns above and why said concerns (along with the other reasons MR was awful above) left me considering never caravanning again, they misinterpreted my argument and claimed I was ungrateful for being unwilling to give up a bedsheet.
Please note that it was NOT the taking of the bedsheet that was irritating me, it was kicking my LB off his bed into a less comfortable bed, refusal to consider other options (that I’m aware of) for their bad backs and the above reasons regarding Margaret River that was the cause. If all the above except requesting a bedsheet from me didn’t occur I would have absolutely 0 reason to be upset.
As to why I swore at them, a psychologist that I saw last year told me I needed to stop living for others and start living for myself. I interpreted that as meaning I needed a backbone. So if you swear at me in an argument unlike before, I’m now going to respond in kind. Whether they or I swore first I can’t rememberer, if I did swear first I absolutely owe them an apology.
So I have options:
1. I go to my Nan’s and stay there.
2. I disown my mother when I’m financially independent.
3. I act like this didn’t happen.
Welcome, you asked for thoughts so I'll offer some.
First though I'm sorry things got so bad last year you thought about taking your life. I can relate. I can also relate to not wanting it mentioned, and if it must be then in sympathetic circumstances.
If I understand it correctly you had an altercation at Margaret River with your mother in which she made a very hurtful remark. You also cannot remember if you swore at her first?
If I've misunderstood events then I apologize.
As a background you were caravanning - which is normally a cramped space - your were not enjoying camping at all, the conditions wet and and the various arrangements difficult, your parents also had back conditions.
This sounds like a recipe for bad feeling, short tempers and it is highly likely regrettable things would be said.
So what would you like? I know you have put down 3 rather black and white options to consider, however are they what you really want, or was that hurt and maybe residual anger talking?
I'm guessing, perhaps a sincere apology from your Mum, plus an undertaking never to force you caravanning again? Maybe a means of knowing such a hurtful thing will never be uttered again? As I said I'm guessing.
I do think boundaries are essential in any relationship, and while sticking up for yourself is fine, one can go too far. For example with my partner (who is my second partner) we have a pact, we know perfectly well there will be arguments, but each of us has resolved never to say anything too hurtful, or that cannot be taken back. Can be hard but is doable, and leaves both of us feeling secure.
We also have coping strategies to get out of an argument situation, neutral things we can do or say that show we do not want it to go further. One is to offer each other a cuppa. Sounds silly or trivial, probably but it seems to work.
May I suggest you place your 3 options on hold and have a discussion with your Mum - at a good time of course. There is nothing wrong in saying how hurtful that was, or for that matter apologizing yourself in case you started the swearing first.
Talk about how to get on when you are both stressed. I'm sure your Mum will have all sorts of worries, and a bad back will not help. If you love your Mum then say so, sometimes parents cannot see how their offspring feel.
Having a family is worth an awful lot, even if at times it is hard to see that.