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My mum is driving me mad! she can't cope with me!!

Community Member
My mum is the coordinator of the wellbeing centre at my school! i don't understand how she has all the time in the world to talk to them and care about them but then when I'm having a bad day she cants cope with me! we had a fight the other day (one of many lately) because i was having a bad day (couldn't get out of bed and be just soo sad u know). she starting yelling saying how she doesn't understand why I'm still like this after she has done everything to help me, take me to a specialist and pay for all these medications! she says things like this all the time when we're fighting she doesn't even realise how much it hurts me knowing that she understands that the kids she sees at school cannot be ok but whenever I'm not its the end of the world. or even when my brother comments saying means things like it's not like she eats anyway or just random things about me that obviously means nothing to them but hurts me so much!!!
4 Replies 4

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi youcantknow

I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a tough time, especially with your mum. It's definitely tough when the one person who you wish would understand you the most just doesn't fully get where you're coming from or relate to where your head's at.

I'm mum to a 16yo girl and 13yo boy and occasionally I'll remind them that we're all doing this for the 1st time. What I mean is every time one of my kids experiences a challenge they've never dealt with before, it's also the first time I've been through this challenge (with them), as a mum. I'm winging it! Typically we grow a little closer in order to help each other deal with specific challenges yet sometimes we do experience some distance between us, for a variety of reasons.

Drifting apart or fighting (more so with my daughter) will generally happen when one of us cannot adjust to the changes needed in order to move forward. In all honesty, I admit there are times where I fail to adjust because I prefer to stay in my comfort zone, which doesn't do my daughter any good. During these times, she will better communicate to me the extent of the challenge she's facing. I will come to sit with her and truly listen to what she has to say, as opposed to listening for what I want to hear.

I can imagine it's perhaps easier for your mum to remain somewhat objective with the young people she helps. I can tell you when it's your own child experiencing issues, as a parent you have to sometimes begin looking to yourself as possibly being part of the problem. It can be a pretty confronting form of growth.

A few questions

  • Has your mum offered you any advice or guidance when it comes to establishing effective communication between the 2 of you?
  • Are there things you used to do together that you could perhaps get back to? My daughter and I used to go to the movies together up until a couple of years ago. She recently told me how much she missed this, so we saw 'Escape room' just last week. I'd forgotten how much I'd enjoyed this time together (where we could just be ourselves as opposed to performing the roles of mother and daughter)
  • An unusual question but have you ever spoken to your mum about her helping you form a positive identity. It's tough when you're young, trying to identify yourself in this world. It's definitely a time in life when we can lose our sense of self. Guidance is so important

My #1 message to you: Never forget, you are beautiful and unique person deserving of guidance and evolution

hello The rising,

Yeh, we talk all the time, once we have a fight one of us will come in and apologize to each other and then will hug it out(unless I'm really mad or sad, shill still make me hug her though until i smile)! at dinner, we always talk about how our days wore and all that!

Sometimes we go shopping together or go on walks to the gardens or we sometimes go out for lunch on the weekend! overall she is an amazing mum but sometimes i just wish she knew how hard it was for me to be happy sometimes or that I'm finding it really hard, and that yes shes paying money for medication but it takes time for it to start working and that i can still have bad days!

i recently opened up to her about how much her words hurt my feelings, i think she understands now, well i hope she does! thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me. appreciate it! i never thought about how she might feel 🙂

HI youcantknow

You sound like a wonderful soulful match as mum and daughter, occasionally feeling frustrated with each other.

When it comes to mental health issues, I believe that although people can have some understanding of a particular condition they can never fully understand unless they've experienced it for them self. I believe this is one of the reasons as to why the forums here work so well, in the way of support. The hope and waiting game associated with medication is something many of the folk here truly understand.

Take care. Sending positive loving vibes your way!

Thanks for the support and positivity!