My mum has bad anger issues and constantly takes it out on me

[chris_05]

Hi my names chris

My whole life i've been been bullied/emotionally hurt by my mother, i know and understand that she doesn't intend to hurt me. Although when shes angry she gets very loud and in my face, its always me because my dad has issues with drinking and smoking and rarely to never interferes. My mum throws things, screams at me, insults me in every way possible and it's actually starting to hurt a lot more. As im becoming older shes saying worse and worse things about me, she constantly swears at me know says im a dissapointment. (Keep In Mind this is not all the time only when shes mad at something) and at this point its affecting my school performance and im finding it hard to concentrate when im thinking about when i get home. What if mums mad? If she is im just going home right into a hurtful situation. Whenever something isn't going her way, for example if were in the middle of a small argument nothing bad and shes not winning she'll start bringing other things into the equation that have no relevance whatsoever, maybe things like my rooms not fully clean, or i was having dinner 5 minutes late. And when i try and retreat to my room she doesn't back down my door doesn't have a lock i have no privacy. For Example, yesterday mum was very mad at me for eating to many chips, and things started to get heated so i told her ill talk later i'm not in the right headspace... at this point i had all my school work exams and assignments on my mind. So i went to my room after that and then she came barging in without any notice and wouldn't leave me alone starting screaming at me insulting me doing whatever she could to put me down and make me feel terrible about myself, i was repeating over and over again "Leave me Alone' all she responded with was No and just kept going. I tried just shutting her out and trying not to listen. Then today shes saying this never happened and im the one at fault. And When i try and address my mum and my dads marriage problems they come at me for trying to make them fight but i dont want to hear them talking crap about the other person behind their back always to me. Their marriage problems are nothing to do with me but they always involve me for no reason...

Please Help, Thank You

[Guest_9043]

Hi Chris,

Thank you so much for reaching out. I am so sorry and I can totally hear how this is such a stressful and difficult time for you. I want you to know your feelings are completely valid and important. You are important, regardless of the things your mother CHOOSES to tell you. Chris, it is absolutely not your fault and you are right their marriage problems are not your problem. I also understand the difficulty in trying to focus on exams and assignments.

I want you to know that now at 40 years of age, at your age I was going through very similar. Unfortunately I did not reach out like you have which is very brave and courageous. I would like to offer some suggestions. These are some options, think about them and see how you feel. You could book in an appointment to see your school guidance counsellor. I am not sure where you live, there are headpsace offices all around Australia that help people around your age and I think up to the ages of 25. Google is your best friend here. If you are having difficulty with school work and need a safe and quiet place you can head to a library after school and eat as many chips as you like to eat. If you have any close friend or friends you trust, you could confide in one of your choosing with what you are dealing with at home.

Chris, what you are dealing with is abuse. Abuse is a choice. Sure your mum may not mean direct harm to you, however this is abuse Chris. You do not deserve to be abused at any time for any reason and it is NOT YOUR FAULT. Your mum is the one doing something very wrong here. It would be wonderful to see you get more support in place for yourself because you deserve it. Wondering what you are going to be dealing with everyday when you get home from school is very distressing to you for starters. You don't deserve to live like that. There is also a kids helpline as well that still assist people your age. That is another option if you wish to remain confidential and keep your privacy until you decide what is best for you. The main things is that you really deserve and need some support. There is people that care. Please let me know how you are getting on when you can. Rooting for your Chris.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Chris,

We are so grateful to have you reach out to our community tonight and are sorry to hear about what you have been going through. We hope you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. We've also checked in with you via email to provide you with some additional supports.

Keep checking in to let us know how you're going, whenever you feel up to it. 

[White_Rose]

Dear Chris

Hello and welcome. This is a very difficult time for you and I want you to know you have our full support. It can be a huge step to come to this forum so well done. This is a safe place and confidential. I suggest you take up Sophie_M's email suggestions and keep in contact with beyond blue as well as this forum.

As 2quik has said there are mental health support services available on line. Headspace is the National Youth Mental Health Foundation. The web address is http://headspace.org.au Or the Kidshelpline which helps young people up to the age of 25. http://www.kidshelline.com.auThey offer a 24/7 counselling service on 1800 55 1800. It may be helpful to get into contact with one or both organisations. They are experienced in helping people of your age.

Other supports include speaking with your school counsellor and/or your GP. I believe you will find both will be helpful.

Does your mom deny she has yelled at you? Perhaps you can record one of these outbursts on your phone and replay it to your GP. Your mom sounds very unhappy and in need of help for herself. Unfortunately there is not a lot you can do about this. Like 2quik I believe this is abuse and should not be directed at you. It seems she is compensating for something else. You are not the right person to fix your parents problems.

I don't want to give you a list of things to do other than to suggest the above helplines. It may be helpful to continue to post in here and talk over your problems so please keep in contact. Just talk to us here.

Mary