My left me and im really struggling.

[Ej40]

7 days ago my wife left me and it has been really hard on me. My wife has a 8 year old from previous relationship and I class her as my daughter she called me dad and we have a great connection we only been married 12 months out of a 2 year relationship. Though it's hitting really hard im really not coping cry daily nights are worse I still live in the house and all her stuff is still here as well so lots of memories around me. My wife said I need to heal I have issues and she is also healing im currently speaking to a mental health person to help with my issues. I have bad anxiety issues which is not helping my current situation I really want to work on our marriage because this is my first marriage and I'm 40yrs old so I gave it my all and now I feel I failed our marriage and feel lonely lost hurt guilt I really love this woman and I have said I will do anything to work on our marriage but she won't try councillors she just says I have to heal and find myself again and I have no idea what this means.how do i stop thinking about her and help myself I'm very concerned for myself because just when I think im starting to get better I hit bottom again over and over the only contact I have with her is via email and I try to give her space but it's so very hard to not email constantly and i cant just stop caring loving the woman of my dreams I really don't know how to get through this how to be strong and push through the pain especially when I'm still in love with her.

[AnotherRandomUser]

While I admittedly don't know anything about marriage, I know what its like to have someone you care about suddenly disappear from your life and it can be very overwhelming knowing what to do next.

I think getting therapy is a great first step, but of course something that will take time. So take it step by step.

In the meantime I think what might help is to focus on making a new routine for yourself. Your probably used to basing a lot of your day around your family so it can be tough trying to figure out what to do now your spending more time alone.

So perhaps consider taking up a new hobby to help distract yourself from your anxiety and grief. Or even just spend some time doing relaxing things like listening to music, watching movies, gardening, or reading.

Now Im not suggesting your forget what is happening with your family. Of course not! But worrying 24/7 over it will do more harm than good. You need to set times where you allow yourself to grieve, talk and work through whats happened, but also set times where you can put it aside and look after your mental health.
After all it is a lot easier to figure things out when our minds are calm, compared to when they are overwhelmed.

I am sorry for what you are going through though, its really painful when someone you care about is unhappy with you. But if you keep working on it through therapy and self-care, it can help you find a way forward.
So take it one day at a time, and remember your grieving, so despite how terrible and overwhelming this feels right now, know it won't be like this forever, you just need time to get past the shock. Whatever happens will happen, but if you work on things and take care of yourself, things can look up again.

[Juliet_84]

Hi Ej40,

You mention you have issues but don’t really specify what these are. Do you mind sharing more so that we can more accurately provide advice on your situation? 

[Bob_22]

Hi Ej40,

I'm sorry to hear about your wife and how you are going at the moment. It is very hard when our loved one breaks things off and doesn't see a future with us. I have been in similar situations before and it can be very emotionally painful. I think anotherrandomuser makes some great suggestions in terms of using therapy but also making time for yourself and almost rediscovering yourself in a way. If possible, now might be a good chance to touch base with any family or friends you have around you too. 

Of course it will take time to find the motivation to do things you enjoy again but it doesn't mean you shouldn't try. I know the temptation to contact her is probably very strong and always present and that can't be helped but in time things will get easier. It is also probably best you consult your relevant professionals about your anxiety just so you are as strong as you can be at the moment.

You are going through a very tough period right now. Sorry I can't offer any practical or more solid support. 

Bob