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My insecurities are affecting my relationship

Community Member

I have been with my partner for almost 5 years now. We have spoken about marriage plenty of times throughout the past couple of years, but were always waiting until we were a bit older (we are just 24 now). I finished school and studied a typical business degree at university, but have always been highly creative, and my life dream would be to work for myself in a creative field. However, coming from such a conservative family I didn't really think of it as an option. When I met my partner, he was that person who worked freelance in a creative field and it just inspired me so much. Thats what really drew me to him. He was what I wanted to be!!! ANYWAY, my mum recently asked me whether I thought we were "right for each other". She said "you are obviously best friends, and are committed to each other, but I don't want you to marry someone you are not 100% sure on. I am not sure if you are both the perfect person for each other".

Now I am so paranoid. I love my partner so much. I can be around him 24/7 and never get sick of him. In fact, I love being around him 24/7!! I think he is honestly one of the coolest people I have ever met. He is so different to my parents and my group of friends, that it can sometimes make me uncomfortable when we are in social settings, as I get worried about what they think of him. But when we are around his friends who are much more similar to him I just love watching him flourish, and sit there thinking he is the coolest guy ever.

I know I overthink everything anyway, and care way too much about what other people think. Maybe my mum has picked up on me acting anxious or stressed when we are around the family together, and wonders if we should be together. BUT she doesn't see us when it is just the two of us and we get along like a house on fire. OR when we are around his friends, or other highly creative people and were are both in our elements. We both want the same things in life, and I love talking with him about the future as I find it so exciting and I just find it generally inspiring talking to him. He makes me challenge society's views of traditional ways of working and living and makes me believe I can do anything I set my mind to. (My parents are extremely traditional, and would much prefer if I got a 9-5 permanent job than being a creative freelance!)

I don't know what to do. I can't stop feeling insecure about all of this and I don't know how to calm my overactive mind.

HELP! Anyone been in a similar situation?

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Gill, welcome

If you are the insecure type, then people can plant a seed and your guilt rockets away.

Frankly, your mum lives you but had no right to suggest what is your choice. She had her choice, did she get opposition to her marrying your father?

Now, its time in your life to stand tall and oppose other peoples comments.

There could be other reasons for your mothers views. Maybe she us jealous, its common, or maybe she doesnt like your partner. Its not her choice to make!!!

Google these

Topic: wit, the only answer to torment- beyondblue

Topic: guilt the tormentor- beyondblue

Topic: worry worry worry- beyondblue

Topic: nip it in the bud ideas- beyondblue

Topic: who cries over spilt milk?- beyondblue

Topic: vulnerable dwelling unprotected- beyondblue

Repost in those threads or here anytime

Tony WK

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Gill & Knight

Welcome, on reading your story I was thinking it's not your Mum marrying him it's you (don't mean that as a down to her, just truth 🙂

You're wrapped in this guy & if you feel comfortable around someone they're the ones to be with because their not pulling you down or not meeting your needs.

So I reckon follow your heart

Yeah know what you mean about overthinking but it's also needed too, we do have to think about stuff, but again not putting your Mum down, but being traditional with different values standards can be tricky esp if you're man's not comfortable around them, which as you say causes him not to be himself.

As Knight said there's a chance her reaction could be one or more of many reasons, what about asking her does she like him & also why she said that. My feeling is it's outta love which any good parent would have concerns, as well as traditional but I don't know of course

It sounds like he has a good job, and makes you happy, that's the bomb. 5 yrs is certainly solid so can't imagine that she's thinking it may not work out though that could be something she has concern about but I don't her so just thoughts

So I guess if you do decide to talk to her would help being armed with reasons why you're so happy with him apart from your dream in creative field so yous have that in common
You're so happy & in love
Obviously ditto
5 yrs together
I imagine he's good to you (else you wouldn't be happy)

Hope you follow your dreams Gill & that it gets sorted 🙂