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My husband says that his depression is my fault
That sounds so awful, hugs to you.
To be honest J3, the worst of your husband's behaviour sounds mostly like detachment, perhaps caused by alcohol and depression, and its likely what causing your feelings of fear and helplessness.
Waiting for the hammer to fall is such a stressful feeling to live with day in day out. It was good that you worked up to discussing things with him. Maybe if he's depressed, you can at least work on connecting together better. It builds up trust, and eases your fear of being abandoned. Sometimes all you need to is just start really talking again, and doing things together instead of apart. You might need to ask him to remember to ask how you doing and to compliment you more. Just little things like that?
Welcome J3 & Bindi 🙂
J3 ouch, rough trot, hope you've recovered well from op
I was thinking along the same lines as Bindi, alcohol can fuel up situations, although it's a temporary reprieve of pain it's also a depressant they're saying.
mmm sounds like getting him help
Does he know how this is making you feel? You clearly love him for good reasons otherwise I doubt you would so much, but how much can you take.
Great you talked with him & he's aware he's depressed that's a start at least.
I don't know but possibly his impotence could improve if he gets help to work through the depression & too much alcohol can cause that too, short term, not sure about
Hubby may feel it's being weak getting help but there's a point when it's the better option, in fact opposite
Maybe a visit by yourself to your GP could be of some benefit for ideas to help him & yourself
This would be so painful for you, please feel free to talk as often as you feel like
Would like to hear how you go
I'm very sorry about the operation you had to have and know that it takes a long time to feel as though you are able to get back to work, but only in a casual way.
If you're married for 30 years then he must have been seeing his doctor for a long time, ask his doctor to ring him for a checkup and that he has booked an appointment for next at