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My husband loves his hand more than me.
I’m writing this post more to just vent and talk about my feelings.
I’m young but have been with my husband for a very long time. We love each other very much and I don’t doubt that.
We are like best friends. But the intimacy has gone. He doesn’t hug me, kiss me, cuddle me. I just don’t feel like he lets me in.
I really don’t mind if my husband watches porn. But we don’t have sex a lot. So it make me feel so inadequate and unattractive. I feel like he prefers to just do it on his own than be close to me.
I woke up to him in the bathroom doing it. It made my fears feel real. When he came to bed I ended up having a panic attack. But I didn’t say why. He was so sweet talking me through breathing.
I guess im just struggling with my feelings of not being good enough or attractive enough for him. I feel angry and sad and a little lonely.
Please tell me someone out there is feeling like this?
Welcome to the Forum, I'm sorry you are going though this and understand how you could feel as if you were inadequate in some way, and I understand how you could be angry too.
You say a lot of complimentary thngs about your husband, from your love, though his talking you though the panic attack to being best friends. He sounds pretty much ok except in this one area, have I misunderstood?
This is a very important thing for you, and important things affect both in a partnership. I wonder if it is possible to have a frank discussion with your husband about things, not in any way being accusatory, but perhaps more how you feel in terms of self esteem and loneliness.
Talk between people that care is good first step - do you think it might be possible?
If you do get to be able to talk, then it might be possible to explore how both of you can feel loved, satisfied and together - a learning process maybe.
Here I'm talking about more than just sex, but the closeness, cuddles reassurance and all. Relationships might not be static, but always need to respect your needs as much as anything.
Please feel you can talk here as much as you like
I just wanted to say Hi and how I relate.
My husband of 25 years has been addicted to porn/dating websites throughout our whole relationship, he say's "it's none of my business and I have betrayed his privacy by learning and finding out". My business side of things, he's not interested in me! Porn addiction means (to me), his door is shut, there is more attractive people out there and he invests in this and his hand more than me.
Please try and discuss your feelings with him, I'm too long in the tooth for my feelings to matter and have realised at the end of the day, their too appealing, too abundant and I can't compete!
I have tried in the past to be "present" but in my energy and vibe I know I'm a "theme", physicality and intimacy is not gifted to me in return - which creates more wounds. In -to -me-I-see I've never felt.
My husband is also my best friend, he also controls and provides for my existence, an oxy moran I'm conditioned to, he is also my cause of low self esteem.
The things that I have learnt over the years is 1 to love yourself, concentrate on you don't compete with the women on his screen, there are too many and it will only burn you out. Appreciate your own qualitities.
The other thing that has helped me through it is to keep open communication and remember it's not your fault it's a decision he can only make on his own terms.
It's absolutely horrible to go through. I wish men knew how much harm, trauma and pain they cause their wives when watching porn. It's so selfish of them, I understand the betrayal.
Hope it gets better oxox