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My husband battle

Community Member
I'm new to the forum but am desperate for help. I have suffered depression most of my life and have and still am learning how to manage it. My husband was diagnose with prostrate cancer in 2009 resulting in surgery and radiation. In 2013 he was diagnosed with bladder cancer.  He is having ongoing treatment for this which I think is what is tipping the scales for him. He has never talked about any issue that we have had and this continues. I am the opposite. I want to talk about things so they don't bottle up in side of me. We have our own small business, which adds another problem to the mix. He is unable to make a decision, he is not doing the job up the the standard that is required, and I find myself trying so keep us afloat financially by fixing up his mistakes, I have been working full time as well, but am now dropping back to four days a week in August. He won't talk about what is happening let alone do anything about it. I am at the end of my tether. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Tuffy, love that name, but hi and great that you have come to this site.

For a male, and please excuse me for not mentioning females problems which I know is there fear in being diagnosed of breast cancer, however for a male to be told that he has prostrate cancer is our worst fear as our dignity has been lost, our manhood has gone, as nothing that we experienced as a boy growing up has now all gone, we are not in the position to be able to please our partner/spouse, and we just can't do what we did growing up, it's all gone, and no matter how much compassion and support from the doctor/surgeon could ever be able to appease our own thoughts.

I say this for many reasons, but I will only say one thing from this is that my ex and I have been very close friends with a couple for about 40 years or so and he was diagnosed with prostrate cancer, just as other of my family as well as elderly people I visit have, and I know the devastation of what it has done to their life.

Prostrate cancer can spread like any other cancer if it's not picked up in the early stages, and we might never know that it has happened, until we have an occasional blood test, so then the shock of knowing that we have it is so devastating.

I haven't really discussed your post and I'm so sorry, but a male who has prostrate cancer won't want to talk about it, because they feel it's their loss of manhood, and even being told that it doesn't matter by their partner/spouse/specialist is of no consultation, because the male has lost everything that proves he is a man, and for a man this means the world to him.

I understand how you feel about your business and the concern you have for him, but his only thoughts at present are is that his cancer has spread and would wonder where else it has gone to, so he won't be able to help you in your business, it's not his fault, but when someone has been told that they have cancer and it has spread then this would be absolutely so fearful, as deep down he would be worrying about how his family would be able to survive without him.

Please I do understand what you are saying and I have probably not approached this on your angle, but I really hope that you can reply back to us.

I often say to people to reply back just as other members do, some do and some don't, and it's those who don't then they have not accepted what any of us have said, because there are other avenues to approach. L Geoff. x