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My girlfriend has been very depressed and is pushing me away. What do I do?

Community Member

Me (18M) and my girlfriend (17F) have been dating for around 8 months now, and we are both at our last year of high school and the final exams are coming up soon. Recently, I've noticed that she has been very depressed and distant and I would have to assume part of this is due to her being stressed with the upcoming exams and such, but after asking her about it she said she was dealing with some problems of her own also. It wasn't long after we had this conversation when she removed my name from her social media bio to which I was quite upset and confused about, but I decided it was not the best time to confront her about it. I replied to this saying that I am always here to be there for her to which she was very thankful of. Couple weeks pass, we occasionally text each other however recently she hasn't been responding at all. Not opening my snaps, not reading my texts. The problem is that she has been active on social media and she still seems to snap other people but me which was really concerning.

I just don't understand why she is being so distant towards me, we have never had any problems like this in our relationship and I know that the final exams have something to do with how she is right now, but It just doesn't make sense for her to push me away. I tried to cheer her up by dropping off some flowers and snacks to which she was again thankful for, but days pass to the present and she starts ignoring my texts again. I really don't know if she's seeing someone else and lost interest, or if she genuinely is going through some problems of her own. I feel so damn worthless and I have absolutely no idea what do do anymore.

3 Replies 3

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi there

This sounds like a difficult situation and well done on doing your best to try and navigate it. When people tell us what’s going on, we have to believe that that’s the case unless there’s evidence to the contrary, and it sounds like that’s what you’re doing, and trying your best to be there for your girlfriend, and to not put extra pressure on her when she’s already got a lot going on. That makes you a pretty great person and I admire how you’ve responded to the situation.

In saying that, it’s also important that your partner shows consideration of your needs. Would you be comfortable in expressing your feelings to her? My therapist always advises me that the best way to do this is by using “I” statements. For example “when you took my name off your socials, I felt…” That way it’s not an accusation or blame, it’s just an expression of how you’re feeling.

What do you think?

I would love to talk to her about it since I believe communication really is key in a relationship, I'm just contemplating whether or not it is a good time to do so right now or not. If she genuinely is dealing with other problems that I may not know of, making asking her isn't the best idea but at the same time this thought has been eating away at me for weeks so I would like to clear it up with her. But in short, yes I do want to express how I am feeling, I'm just not sure whether its an appropriate thing to do right now provided the context.

Hello Jacob, just out of curiosity you need to know how she feels, otherwise, you will always be wondering, especially with final exams approaching and unfortunately it's a difficult time and whether her 'other issues' involve another person, then you need to find out.

If she doesn't want to discuss her problems, then she doesn't want you to know which could mean that she is seeing another person, but it may only be temporary.

She may decide that she likes you much better so don't give up hope.