My gf left me at my most vulnerable

[mpatt]

I have been battling depression for four months and one month ago my gf left me. And after speaking to certain people I now know that I was in a controlling, emotionally, digital and abusive relationship, she once physically abused me. Which I forgave her instantly because I loved her. The reason she hurt me was, she went through my laptop “claiming to check my privacy settings” and went straight to me blocked list. I had 50 females blocked because I didn’t want to get screenshots of friends with her asking who they are. When she saw this she got upset and then blamed me for having so many women that I probably slept with blocked. The next day she asked me to explain every person on the list, after 10 people she gave up and said give me your phone.
I had always said, no worries you can go through anything as I have nothing to hide. When she went through my phone she worked out I went on 3 dates in 2017 not the two dates I said. I completely forgot about the I had at the start of the year, she then found a message I sent my brother two years ago and accused me of being disgraceful to every women. It was a minor personal joke with my brother. She made me feel so bad about everything, yelling at the top of her lungs, and I’m extremely passive and avoid confrontation. She then proceeded to do a Facebook search and saw I liked a photo of my ex girlfriend two years ago, she was in a photo with my mates wfie ( we broke up 5 years ago). She accused me of being a promicuous man as I was chasing her two years ago while chasing my ex. I haven’t spoken to me ex in 5 years. When she saw this innocent liked picture she walked to me abused me. I laid on the ground in shock and disbelief. I never thought anything like this would come from her.

[blondguy]

Hello Mpatt

I apologise that you havent a reply for so long. We are usually quick in responding to members I am bumping your thread up and we will reply as soon as we can Mpatt

Paul

[quirkywords]

Matt,

welcome to the forum.

This is a friendly , caring and supportive place.

You have certainly been through a lot recently with your ex girl friend. I can understand how upsetting it is to have someone so suspicious of everything you do.

I wonder was there a reason why your ex girl friend was so insecure about you. Did she have a bad experience in a past relationship?

When someone does not trust you and wants to control you everything you do however innocent can be misinterpreted.ThAt must have been be so exhausting

All the time you were in a relationship with your ex girl friend was she always so controlling and insecure or was this something that happened towards the end of the relationship.? Were there signs at the start of the relationship that she may have controlling behaviours.?

I ask questions so I can understand and help you.

If you look through other threads on the forum you will find you are not alone and others can relate to you.

Thanks for sharing your story.

Quirky

Are you seeing any for your depression or tales to a counsellor or psychologist about the end of your relationship?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi mpatt,

Thanks for your post and I appreciate you sharing what's going on in your relationship with us.

I'm not sure how you're feeling now, but from what I've read I'm glad that you're not in this relationship anymore. A big part of healthy relationships is trust and communication - which it sounds like she really lacked with you. There's no reason to want to go through someones privacy settings, or the blocked list, or the messages. It sounds like she was really invasive with your privacy, forcing you to explain things that you didn't really need to.

I agree with Quirky in that it sounds like a lot of it comes from insecurity. Perhaps there was kind of a self fulfilling prophecy there - she believed you were cheating or going to cheat on her, or perhaps that you were going to let her down, so she tried (maybe without realising) to show that it was true. I'm just hypothesising here of course from reading, but I know that this can happen in relationships like yours.

I'm not sure if this is helpful or not; maybe you can let us know how we can support you?

[mpatt]

Shes made me question myself, feel worthless and also made me think I was the crazy one.
I've been seeing a psych for nearly two months, then our breakup happen and the events from that have been horrible.. threats from her and also her mum... I also found out yesterday I won't have a job in feb, nothing happens gone right for me

[geoff]

Hello Mpatt, this is a sad story where you had a relationship which wasn't a 50/50 and definitely not a stable one as she had to be in control of the present, the past and probably the future.

One thing that you may have now lost is your trust in people, and you need to find the support as you reach out to other people, family/friends who have the strength and ability to handle the situation.

When you meet someone, they may change over time, but we don't know how much this will affect us, and unfortunately, this is what has happened causing depression three months before she left you.

What you need to do is to eliminate any chance of them contacting you, change your phone number or block their number including their email's, because you can't begin to get better with them annoying you.

Think about changing your attention to something else and you will see what you were missing out of doing.

In regard to your job which I'm very sorry it's going to end and certainly not at a convenient time, but this could be a chance where you might want to think about doing something different, in other word's, change your whole scenario.

The other point is whether or not you are taking any medicine would be something to ask your GP so if you can please let us know.

Take care.

Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi mpatt,

Thanks for your post.

I think Geoff hit the nail on the head with this post, and I agree completely. If you can rally up some support from your psychologist (which is great), and us - and whoever else - then you can know that you are absolutely not worthless and not the 'crazy one'.

Even though what you are feeling is awful (and that might be an understatement), know that it is pretty normal. Breakups in themselves are hard, but you've gone through a few extra curveballs - you've been broken up with, it was sudden - and most of all, the relationship wasn't healthy.

So yeah, it's gonna knock your self-esteem, but that's okay. Because the way I see it (and hopefully you will too) is that it's better this happens now, even though it couldn't be worse timing rather than having you live with that and be in a relationship with more and more abuse.

[mpatt]

I don't want to take any anti-depressants because last time I did, it made me a lot worse and I don't want to go back down that dark tunnel again...

She had a bad experience with a former bf and would use her insecurities part of the reason she did things. the whole family have accused me of being abusive and was toxic during the whole relationship and they've let me know that through text and email. I can't believe someone you love would be able to do the things she did and still look me in the eye and say I love you.
I fought so hard every time she ended things, I forgave her instantly whenever she said hurtful words because I knew one day there would be light at the end of the tunnel and the future we planned together would be worth it. The worst bit I was blindsided by the break up because she did something behind my back and twisted the answer to make it look like I did something, which I hadn't. I bought her a commitment ring 2 days before she called off our relationship

[mpatt]

I'm sick of being upset
51 days since the last day I didn't cry
I never got to say goodbye to her and it still hurts me that her and her mum used my mental health against me and they are scared. I'm the most passive person

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi mpatt,

Thanks for your post and apologies for the late reply.

I don't know why she did those things. I don't think I'll ever understand the way people can hurt others - it sounds like you really cared for her and loved her and I can see that.

Even though I'm glad that you're here, there's probably nothing that I can say to take that pain away. Putting all of that abuse aside, you both had a relationship - you were vulnerable; you loved her; you bought her a promise ring. Any breakup is going to cause a massive amount of grief. and yeah - tears too. So while I get that you're sick of being upset, I think it's good (in a not evil way!) because it means you're working through it.

Things will get better, and I really believe that you did deserve better.