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My first post - dealing with my first breakup

Community Member

Hi all, this is my first post. I’m feeling lost at the moment and need a space where I can release all my feelings. So, I’m sorry in advance for my lengthy post and thank you to anyone who takes the time to read through it. It’s been a little over 2 weeks since I broke up with my boyfriend and I’m really struggling to cope.

After months of pain, I finally had to guts to walk away. He was a controlling partner. He had major trust issues because I had a lot of male friends in the past. This caused him to think that I was cheating, lying and doing something behind his back. He had an app where he could see my location 24/7 and he was logged into all my social media accounts so he could check who I was talking to.
All of this really brought me down. I felt so useless and worthless. It would cause a problem whenever I left the house because he thought I was doing something behind his back. I was so scared of how he would react towards me if I made a wrong move. He had always got really angry and yelled at me when we fought. I just obeyed all of his rules because I was scared of causing a problem. I wasn’t happy. I felt trapped, like I was living in fear.

And 2 weeks ago, it got to a stage where I was so broken. I still loved him, but I didn’t want to be with him anymore. So, I left him.

Now I find myself crying for hours every day. I have overdue assignments but I’m really struggling to focus on doing my work. I sit down in front of my laptop to work and my mind just goes blank. I can’t sleep properly. I find myself going to bed between 2-3am every night and not getting out of bed until midday. I’ve lost my appetite and don’t feel like eating. I was exercising to take my mind off it in the first week, but now I have no energy to do anything. I’ve tried talking to my best friend, but I can’t help but feel like I’m annoying her with my daily messages of me crying. I live alone with my mum, but I’m not ready to tell her about the breakup yet. I’m afraid of breaking down and crying in front of her and the questions she’ll ask.

Does anyone have any suggestions of things I can do every day to take my mind off all of this? It’s like a broken record in my head that won’t stop, and I just want to move on and focus on myself, but I’m finding it really hard. I know it’s only been 2 weeks, but this is my first breakup. I really don't know how to deal with this and how to stop the pain of the bad memories. Any advice would really be appreciated!

Thanks guys,

17 Replies 17

Community Member

Hello daphnejanee

No matter your age, gender or profession, a break up is always painful. It is part of life. You can’t experience the highs of life unless you also experience the lows. No doubt you are familiar with the words

Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.

The emotions you describe are to be expected and they will lessen over time. My advice is to tell your mother. My daughters were surprised at my response when they had the lovesick disease and tried to hide it from me. I was fully supportive and a good listener. There is no easy fix.

In the meantime, don’t try and repress your sadness, just let it come to the surface. Eat well, don’t drink too much alcohol and please try and do 30 minutes of vigorous exercise every day. Also, beware of the rebound relationship. They rarely work.

From what you say about your ex boyfriend, I believe you have dodged a bullet and in the years to come you will be glad you had the character and courage to walk away. My best wishes to daphneejanee.

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

I totally agree with “better now”. Great advice there.

Ive has 4 long term relationships all over 7 years duration. Yes my heart was broken three times. It never is easy but does get easier with time, you can’t rush time.

You may be thinking of going back to him. I wouldn’t, not with that alleged narcissistic side. Tracking your moves is unacceptable- period.

The following threads are ones that include how to cope in such situations


beyondblue topic variety and distraction

beyondblue the best praise I ever got

YouTube Maharaji Prem Rawat sunset

youtube Maharaji Prem Rawat the perfect instrument

and many more of Maharaji videos. They will help relax and distract you.

You can try assigning s period of time daily just thinking about your ex and then try to concentrate on your studies.

Repost here when ever you feel like it.


Hi there Betternow,

Thanks for the advice. I'm glad I got to experience it and learn from it in the end, and I know that in time I will be stronger. Even though it doesn't feel like it at this stage!

One reason why I don't want to tell my mum just yet is because I'm scared of the "I told you so" conversation. Many nights my mum heard me screaming and crying over the phone, and she knew that I was talking to him and he was hurting me and always asked me why I wouldn't leave him. I knew she never liked him and she always said I could do better. She always supports me, but she's also very upfront. I'm still in a very emotional stage, and I don't feel confident enough to talk to her yet. I haven't fully opened up to anyone face-to-face in the last 2 week, so I'm afraid to do so.

Community Member
I'm going through the same emotions as you...I've just had a breakup....it's hard to function....I'm trying but like you said...your mind wonders and your stuck thinking the same thing over and over...I can only wish you luck

Hi TonyWK,

Thank you for the suggestions! I will have a look at those threads and those YouTube videos. YouTube is one thing I enjoy spending my time on the keep me distracted.

And yep, you're right. Everyday I question whether I've done the right thing and whether I should run back to him. But in the back of my mind, I can't help but ask myself how someone like that can change their behaviour so quickly. It was emotional abuse. How could I risk putting myself through that again?

That period of time assigned each day to think about him has been happening without thought actually. I find myself sitting down and scrolling on my phone around this time everyday in the late afternoon, and it all floods back to me. I just find it hard to go back to working on my uni assignments after that low feeling.

Hi daphnejanee

You know your Mum better than any of us so I understand your decision to keep quiet for now.

Please don't ever consider returning to him. I'm willing to bet London to a brick that he was never the person your brain believes he is. Your brain is telling you one thing but your lived experience is telling you another, It will take time for your brain to catch up with the new reality.

As a man who has experienced a lot in life, I know you are making the right decision to walk.

Hi there Steve,

I've actually just read your thread recently! I was looking for other recent breakup posts to connect to. I'm sorry for what you're going through. I know the pain of losing someone, even though I was the one that decided to walk away (even when I still loved him).

I talked to him the day after I left him and said I was scared that I wasn't doing the right thing. He begged for me to give him a second chance, but I wasn't willing to take the risk and let myself get hurt by him again because I knew I would just regret it. He was so overprotective of me that it slowly turned into him controlling me and eventually emotionally abusing me. I felt like he was consuming me, so I had to prioritise my own happiness and make the hard decision to walk away. I'm not sure, but I think he still has hope that I'll come back.

Every day I find myself reading over old texts and messages, I can't help. I'm trying to distract myself and move on, but it's so hard to get back to normal life so soon.

Thank you Betternow.

Everyone told me for so long that I would be better off without him. It's hard being the one that has to walk away when there is still love there, even when he hurt me so much. It complicates my feelings. But after every fight we had, he always said he would change his behaviour and I was waiting and waiting for that day to come... Eventually I ran out of patience. He was saying the right words, but had no actions to support it. When I was walking out the door, that's when he said he would treat me the way I deserved to be treated. It really hurt knowing that he knew what was wrong the whole time, but only wanted to act on it when I was ready to leave. It was too late by then.

What I found is, at the tail end of my grieving period say 2-3 months the best thing is to go on a date or two.

Have fun, talk to other guys etc, see how they treat you better.