My fiancee of 5 years has split/ I am waiting on a double hip replacement and have anxiety and depression

[Anthony89]

My mrs who I love with everything in me has just told two days ago she doesn't love me anymore.i believed the best course of action was to leave the house we bought only 6 months together ago straight away. I am 27 years old and suffer from chronic hip pain due arthritis and torn tendons from a child hood deformity. I have been unable to work for the last year and the eaaiest way to put it is that times haven't been fun. I have suffered from generalised anxiety for 10 years and PTSD for 1 year and depression for 1 year straight where I checked myself into hospital only two weeks ago as I was scared of what I'd do to myself because the pain has bought me more down than ever. My partner she is a amazing person with a heart of gold but she has become depressed aswell from the stress of my health to us not being able to be as close because of the gap my pain created.she isn't the type to breakup then make up so I know this is final and I won't push her because I will respect her choice. But it hurts so much especially when I'm already so down and I just feel stuck because of the long wait on my double hip replacement and I know its why I can't make her happy anymore. I honestly tried as hard as I could. I have now moved in with my brother and his family and bought my puppy who's 6months with me who is my everything. Help or any guidance would be appreciated alot thankyou

[Jacko777]

Oh mate, I am so sorry to hear all this.

You will get through this mate, one day at a time, your suffering will reduce. You can talk to us here any time and I hope you have friends, your brother and other family you can talk to. Are you having regular appointments since your hospital visit? It's so important to get support, you deserve it, a co-pilot to call the corners. Ring the beyondblue support service if you feel stuck.

It's important for me to keep the big issues separate as best I can, rather than lumping everything together in an overwhelming feeling of depression. It helps me to be crystal clear about the separate issues, what can be done in each area, set goals, apply action. If I am doing all I can, I don't need to think about it anymore!

I'm sad your partner has left mate, you would be shattered. All you can do is ride the waves, I hope you can find space and time to grieve. I find grief for me is a physical thing that comes as it pleases, however what I can control is the random thoughts in between, I try and keep an eye on my self and I practice not giving away emotion to something I cannot change. It's bloody hard mate but it beats the alternative. Look after yourself brother and talk any time.

Jack

[geoff]

hi Anthony, I'm sorry Anthony but this seems to be very unfair.
Firstly I am really sorry that you need two hip replacements because of arthritis, but I know myself that once you have them there is no more pain, it instantly goes away, as I've had 2 operations on the same hip, the first was to try a new technique but I was never happy so the last one was a total hip replacement, so I definitely recommend having them, but this doesn't take away the pain from what your finance has told you.
Were these problems that contributed you going to hospital, but you can't blame yourself for lack of intimacy because the pain you would suffer would be too much to bear.
I don't think she is giving you enough credit for your condition and perhaps taking advantage of this situation in my opinion, this may not be the case, but after reading your post that's how I feel.
Do you have any indication of when one hip maybe replaced, and if then this may change her mind. Geoff.

[Anthony89]

Hey Jacko I really appreciate your reply. I do have a good support network which I am very lucky for my friends and family. My biggest is actually my 6 month old staffy we are inseparable. Your advice is helping me seperate big issues and try not to look to far into the future cause that's when my panic attacks are very bad. I did as my partner to tell me but I just didn't expect her to say this especially after being together and engaged and then just one bad year has turned her away to now focus on herself. I tried to be the best person I can so I know I couldn't have done it any different but being confined to a walker has made it hard for me to do as much

[Jacko777]

Thanks for your reply Anthony89, I appreciate it a lot.

I'm glad you have a good support network, I hope you don't hesitate to utilise it, now is the time and I bet your family and friends would be keen to be supportive and helpful. I find that talking to others is great, not just for feedback and empathy but also to hear your self, to unload and put things in their place.

With separating issues, I will sometimes write everything down on paper so I can really examine all the areas of my life. What helps me is to know that if one area of my life is challenged, I still have other strengths, I have other parts of me that I won't allow to be compromised, even by the biggest challenges.

But more importantly, that staffy does look pretty handsome mate. Give love every chance you get Anthony89, it will bring you calmness, happiness and satisfaction, find some time each day to be thankful.

Jack