My fiancé left me.

[IVGreen]

Hey,

I'm new to this forum but I am just seeking advice. I've been with my partner for 2 years and have been engaged for a year. At the start of April this year, we went to Europe on a trip to visit his family and to travel around Europe. A week into the trip, he broke up with me. I cried and asked why and he said that he isn't feeling it anymore and doesn't love me anymore. I asked him why he did it in Europe and he explained that he was hopeful that we could make it work but the thoughts of leaving me were always in the back of his head. He sent me back to Australia and now he is telling me to get out of the apartment that we rent together by the time he gets back. He doesn't seem to be backing down. I truly love this man and he has a history of getting 'cold feet' and leaving and coming back. I'm absolutely distraught by this.

I need advice, I hear from friends that I should just leave but that's easy to say when they are not as involved as I am. Any advice? I want to respect his wishes but the way he did it, it's just not like him. A mutual friend of ours was confused and baffled by the way he did it. This is not like him at all and he would never hurt anyone.

Thank you for your advice in advance.

[White_Rose]

Dear IVGreen

Hello and welcome to the forum.

I am curious why you have to vacate the apartment if you both pay the rent. Is your name on the lease? Can you afford to live on your own? It does appear cruel to go on an expensive holiday then send you home one week into the holiday. Has he refunded your expenses?

I'm not sure I would want to stay with a partner who showed himself to be so uncaring and selfish. Whether you leave or stay is a decision for you. However, it seems the best to part company. Of course you are hurting and will continue to hurt for a while. I wish I could tell you a way to not hurt, but it's not easy. Standing back and having a critical look at your relationship would be useful but perhaps you cannot do this at the moment. You say this is unusual behaviour but also that he "has a history of getting 'cold feet' and leaving and coming back". So it's not entirely out of character. How do you think it would be once you were married?

For whatever reason it's clear he wants to be single at the moment. I think you will not change his mind in the near future. Possibly he may want to return later but you would need to think hard and long before taking action. Would you trust him not to do this again?

I presume you work which takes up your days. Do you have any other interests in your life, in particular those you enjoy on your own? I don't want to tell you what to do because I am not in your situation. My suggestion is that you concentrate on your own life and making it as rewarding as possible. I know that seems impossible now but you will get through this time either together or not.

Being your own person is rewarding in itself. Self confidence and independence are valuable assets and will help you in the future no matter what happens in this relationship. Love to hear from you again.

Mary