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My family just don't understand me
I feel like an abnormal freak amongst them.
I am an artistic individual yet they expect me to have the normal work, buy a house, marry, have kids lifestyle.
I don't care for all that as much as I do for making music.
My tastes and views of the world are so different.
For example, my family are conservatives whereas I am left leaning with my views.
The music I like isn't the radio music, it is artistic, edgy, loud, hard.
My choice in fashion is different.
Everything is different about me compared to my family.
You are not alone in this. So many of us feel alienated around our families, which is why Christmas is such a stressful time of year for many. The group of people we have been avoiding all year, we now suddenyl have to spend time with, buy gifts for, and be nice to.
I think it stems from an unrealistic expectation to start with: the idea that just because we share biology in common with someone, that they should be like us and understand us. That is simply not true, it's a lottery.
As we grow up and mature, and move out into the world, we gravitate towards people who do share our interests and values, and form new "families". That said, it's never healthy to base your own levels of happiness on your expectattions of how others should behave towards you. That is not something that is within your control.
When I am with my best friend we get each other, when I am with certain people I feel like I belong and am understood.
I am sick of being made to feel uncomfortable because I feel I am being looked at like I am some strange creature when I am around family.
My brother in law knows about my mental illness and calls regularly to check how I am but I get frustrated at him because I feel he expects me to be like how he is.
I am unfortunate to have to live with my parents as I can't afford to move out, this means being around people I don't want to be around, if I had my own place I wouldn't have much to do with my family.
I know how he feels towards left wingers, green voters, alternative people. And it ain't friendly.
Just makes me wonder what he thinks of me.
It's just the facial expressions I get from him, a frowning deep thinking look.
So true that your friends can be like the family you never had.
My family don't see my other side, the relaxed, more easy going happy guy when I am with 'my own kind'. Everytime the family gets together like on Christmas, my anxiety and depression heighten as I feel so uncomfortable around them.
My family don't see my other side, the relaxed, more easy going happy guy when I am with 'my own kind'.
People react to what they see in front of them, as we're only human. Perhaps this is at the root of your problem. If you were acting just as awkward and uncomfortable around your friends, how would those relationships be affected?
I have nothing in common with them to talk about other than "how's work?" "how's the job hunt?".
Dear MisterM. A lot of our problems stem from trying to be what everyone expects us to be. When we're not, the pressure is 'put on' to 'conform'. You can please some of the people all the time, some people some of the time. Trying to please everyone all the time is: Mission Impossible. I was always pushed to 'play sport, join in'. I'm not a sporting person, fan or player. You don't need to make excuses for who and what you are. Be happy to be 'you'. If your family can't accept that, change the subject when they comment about you in the way that makes you feel uncomfortable. They could be a bit jealous that you have the 'guts' to be 'you'. Once they accept you're happy being 'you', this may stop the 'nagging'. I would not say too much about your friends to your family. You're living two separate lives, that's not easy, my compliments to you on that. Try not to spend too much time at home, though. You have one life, be happy, enjoy your life.
Families are the hardest people to get along with. We are expected to be like brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousin. We're all individual with individual needs. Some people are loners and are considered 'strange' because of it. No-one has the right to criticize anyone, but they do out of fear when someone dares to try to be 'themselves'. You understand you, that's the important thing to remember. Put your feelings into a song.
I try get out to perform songs I write, that has been a welcome relief lately, getting out of this house and meeting like minded musicians. I normally don't go out much as I don't have many friends. If it wasn't for going to perform songs at open mic nights I'd be stuck here for longer and that's no good to my mental wellbeing.
Hi MisterM. I'm pleased you are getting on with your own 'thing'. You possibly have more friends than you think. However, the difference between acquaintances and friends are incredible. A true friend is there through thick and thin, an acquaintance is okay for fun and great times. I wish I had your talent for singing and entertaining, you have a gift. Build on it and you'll find when you're with your friends/acquaintances, your home situation will 'melt' into the background. Going home will be for a 'rest'. Use your happy memories from your 'other' life to 'distance' yourself from the negativity that surrounds you. You could also look at ways to leave home, when you can.
I have a volunteer job I enjoy. When I'm home (not often), I simply reflect on the fun I've had with the job. This is amazing therapy and it helps me get through till I'm working again.