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My ex is getting cold feet keeps contacting me drunk

Community Member

So my ex girlfriend who I am still friends with is getting married in a week. A few days ago I start getting these late night text saying she misses me misses us etc etc. I knew right away it was the alcohol talking. Now the texts are coming in when she is sober which really is messing with me because deep down somewhere I know I still love her but I also believe that this is just what happeneds when you get cold feet and I don't want to be that guy who broke up a wedding because my ex is having a moment of emotional weakness!

I've asked her nicely to stop contacting me before she says something we will both regret! I've considered changing numbers etc but I'm hoping it will stop before then so maybe it will be a waste of time!

Is that a gamble I shouldn't take? Should I just go ahead and get a new number

8 Replies 8

Community Member

Oh Kiamau - danger signs here!

I gather that you and your ex have definitely moved on, as evidenced by the fact that she is getting married in a week. Have you met her new husband to be? Do you approve? Are you happy for her?

Its nice that you have remained friends, and it just shows that you are a genuinely caring and thoughtful man. I am guessing that this lady was the mother of your stillborn child some years back? If so, its understandable that you have maintained a certain closeness, as you have shares such a huge pesonal loss.

I just dont see how this situation can be helpful to any of you. You say she is drinking a lot. Has this always been an issue for her? I suspect she is getting cold feet, regretting what could have been with you. It can be a very scary and undecided time just prior to marriage. For both parties!

Perhaps she is hearing in you a certain indecision as to your own emotions, thinking that there may still be a chance of reconciliation for you two? If you are certain that there is no chance for you two to be a couple again, then you need to be very clear with her and leave her in no doubt as to that fact.

I dont think there is any sense in changing your phone #. If she wants to get in touch with you, she will find another way. She probably knows where you live, and perhaps your family. So there are other ways other than your phone. I dont believe that's the issue here.

Sherie xx

We have both moved on yes I have met him once and I am happy for her I truly am he seems a better fit from what I've heard and seen.

No she never was a drinker even when we lost aurora, which shocked me to see her texts and calls so incoherent

I have told her that us is a bad idea for so many reasons and that it will only end badly.

I have thought of telling her fiancé but didn't want too incase it is just cold feet and she snaps out of it.

I don't know what too do

Community Member

Hi Kaimau. The fact that she waits till she's drunk makes me wonder. They say the truth emerges through drink. Perhaps she does still genuinely love you, but is caught up with being in a situation she doesn't want to be in. It might be an idea to contact her when she is sober, find out what is going on, whether she does love this guy she's marrying. If she's marrying him on the rebound, bad idea. I realize you may not want to get back together, you need to make this clear too. But if she's having second thoughts, she needs to be honest. You say you've met the new guy and he seems to be okay. Normally, I would say, leave it alone, but she's contacting you which makes me think, she's not ready to commit. Therefore she needs to be told she doesn't have to get married if she doesn't want to. It could be she wants your blessings, which also seems strange. I'd say, gut feeling and all, she's having second thoughts and doesn't know what to do. It also appears she could be wanting you to help her break the engagement. This is something only she can do, but she seems to be wanting your permission before she does anything. Wait till she's sober, then perhaps have a talk and let her know she's the only one who can decide. I wouldn't approach the fiancée, he aint going to thank you.


Hi Kaimau,

You have already received some good ideas and advice from others here.

Maybe you could suggest to your ex girlfriend that she calls Beyond Blue or Life line and has a talk with someone whom she is not connected to in any way.

In all of this, you need to look after yourself as well. Try and do things that you enjoy, contact friends and family and try not to take too much of your ex girlfriend's issues onto your shoulders.

If you know she is calling, can you just ignore her calls or do you feel obliged to answer them?

An old friend of mine started causing a lot of problems for me as she did not want me to move house, she thought I wouldn't visit her anymore. Nothing I said reassured her, so in the end she hated me. When she called and I realised it was her, I ignored her calls or put the phone onto message bank.

In the end she gave up calling.

Hope you are doing okay. Cheers form Mrs. Dools

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
I think I'd be letting her know in no uncertain terms at all that you won't tolerate this behaviour and tell her that you find it incredibly disrespectful, both to you and to her fiance. The clearer you make that to her, the more of a violation it is to continue what she is doing. Remind her that you broke up and that she appears to be about to get married!! Don't reply because you feel like you should be polite to her. You don't have to reply to her at all, actually. If you suspect she's drunk and do want to reply, wait until she is sober to tell her.

Thanks everyone I have taken all your advice into account I really do appreciate it and the time you took to reply 🙂

Hi Kaimau,

Hope you are doing okay and have been able to mange to do some enjoyable things most days.

Some times it is difficult to know what is the right thing to do in different situations. People's behaviour can be affected by alcohol. Some people say things they would never say when they are sober.

Only you can decide which direction to take in any circumstance. The main thing is to be true to yourself and to not feel uneasy about decisions you make.

Wishing you well, from Mrs. Dools

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Kiamau,

how long has it been since you broke up and how long has she known her new guy and been engaged? Was he a rebound? When is the wedding?

she could be getting cold feet but I guess you need to look at the reason you broke up. Maybe she's not sure about marrying him but does not want to be on her own?