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My boyfriend is pushing me away- what can I do??

Community Member

So I'm new here- but have seen some posts online and it seems really helpful.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. We've had a great relationship- despite a few ups and downs. He has been open since the beginning with the fact he suffers from depression and anxiety.

I've grown up with family members who've also had depression, so I think I do ok with handling this and talking to him.

A while ago he realised that things were getting bad again and he decided it was best for him to go back on medication. it was really hard to see him like that but I wanted to support him and get thru it all.

As an athlete he is always pretty tired and exhausted so it makes it sometimes hard to tell what's going on.

Recently tho he has suffered an injury which has made him unable to do anything too physical- which means no training. That alone was heartbreaking for him and since then I feel it's only got worse. Spending so much time at home alone and not being able to be active he's been getting more depressed. He's not sleeping right or eating well. The medication he's been on has also had an impact on our personal life and affected his libido.

Hes been wanting to be alone and secluding himself a lot, which as resulted in him pushing me away. He has messaged me and told me he's not happy and wants to be alone- isn't happy in a relationship. I just don't know what to do- because he says he does love me (still) and we have talked about marriage and a future together. I really feel like it's the depression talking and not what he really wants.

I know he's not himself right now and I feel like letting him push me away is the wrong thing to do. But also don't want to make him feel pressured by being around and like I'm forcing him into something he doesn't feel like he wants right now? i feel like he's doing this because he knows he's hurt me- like he's doing the right thing by me by taking himself out of the picture. That's the kind of person he is- I feel like he feels like he's a burden on me.

I worry that he's throwing our relationship away- and that he's going to throw his career away too. I want to be there for him and help him but I don't know how or what to do right now. His medication clearly just isn't helping.

How do I be there and support him and show him I love him and I'm not going anywhere when he is trying to push me away and break up with me??

Many suggestions or experiences with something like this would be really helpful.

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi JK, welcome

Ive got depression and bipolar and a few other concerns but I've never felt my illnesses dictate my decisions. It cant be the "depression talking".

Issues he has like loss of libido can be rather easily treated by a GP. That is his responsibility. In fact there are still responsibilities a depressed person has. It isnt for others to pick up the short fall. Eg his being depressed over his injury and immobilisation, although very understandable, isnt a price others should pay for which can be the case.


Topic: who cares for the carer?- beyondblue

How to support him. Just be available but drift a little. If he lets his career fail, again thats his choice. You are trying to save the world, his world and thats his job, not yours.

As hard as it is, his choice of wanting to be alone is his choice, not the choice of his mental state imo.

Im sorry, I havent any good news. Give him a few weeks, if his love for you doesnt come through willingly then you have to move on.

Tony WK