My boyfriend hates crying so my depression is ruining our relationship

[Geodude]

I have struggled with depression for a very long time and occasionally it seems to spike and I get REALLY emotional for no real reasons or get upset about really tiny things. My boyfriend doesn't like crying and doesn't know how to deal with it and gets really frustrated which comes across as angry which then makes me more upset which in turn frustrates him more and pushes him away or starts a massive argument. I hate myself for being so emotional because it feels as though it's ruining my relationship which makes me even more upset! I don't know how to control it and I'm terrified of losing my boyfriend. We live together and things are usually great between us but when I cry about things or get emotional it ruins things. Totally lost on what to do to control it or help him deal with it before he just quits on me 😞 help!!

[geoff]

Hello Geodude, can I welcome you to the forum.

If you are suffering from depression then you have nothing to complain about.

Your boyfriend has to understand that within a relationship there is joy and there are times when you break down, so when you cry he needs to comfort you because there are always two sides to a coin, in other words, on his off days you console him.

I'm just so sorry you are experiencing this but please don't blame yourself, at the moment there is no way you can stop it until you start getting treatment beginning with your doctor.

You need help from those who have experience, someone that takes your crying seriously and someone who realises that deep down there is a problem.

Could I suggest that your b/friend goes with you, and needs to learn that being emotional is a lovely trait in a person.

Kind Regards.

Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Geodude,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here.

Most important thing I want to say: please don't hate yourself for being emotional. Crying is healthy! Yes it can feel overwhelming but it's our way of expressing how we feel. It's okay to cry. We need a good cry and I am a big crier.

It sounds like the reason your boyfriend hates crying is because he doesn't know what to do about it. Maybe he feels kinda helpless because he can't make it better? Then the only way he copes is through that anger (which he can control). So in a sense it's kind of a vicious circle. Does this make sense?

So - gotta break the cycle. How can your boyfriend help? What is it that he can do and be in control of? See if you can brainstorm some things. Perhaps he can give you a cuddle, or go and prepare a snack, or go and give you some space until you're able to clear your head. Literally give him something to do. That way he can get a little control back so he doesn't need to resort to being angry.

It might help to be able to talk to him about this but of course when you're both in a good headspace. Does he regret being angry? What is it that he needs from you? Does he understand why you're upset? Communication is key so that you can both go through it together.

Hope this helps 🙂

[IsaJett]

Hi Geodude

Don't be afraid of losing your boyfriend. Because if he loves you ..then he truly appreciate for all that you are ...emotional and what not.

Don't feel that you need to change to accommodate for someone else. You must have your reasons for crying one form or the other. But when you discuss it with him, you have to discuss with him ..what is it exactly that is causing you the grief . Sometimes he might think it is him and he just shuts down as he does not know how to cope.

I told my boyfriend that I feel empty etc when I am not with him...and that it doesnt have anything to do with him. Its just me..and some other past experience that has made me feel a certain way.

Also I told him straight up that I am afraid of losing him . He looked very confused as he obviously had no intention to go nowhere...so my fear was a little far fetched.

Sometimes you need to just say how you feel to your closest people around you. Sure that makes you vulnerable but that is all about being in a relationship . But perhaps write down exactly what you want to say. They may or may not understand but at least you tried. Communication is the absolute key as Romantic said..and I believe if you and boyfriend truly care about each other ..then you both will find a way through the weeping mess ...hahahah

so don't worry ..talking should help you guys understand each other better and not make things worse.

Stay true to yourself and cry if you want to cry...laugh if you want to.

Don't be anything but yourself ...and keep on keeping on.