My Boyfriend Ended Our Relationship Due to Mental Health Issues but Still Loves Me

[hbolt5]

Hi all,

I have recently broken up with my boyfriend due to his mental health issues. We are both currently unemployed however I still have some money. Him on the other hand doesn’t.

He decided that it was best for him to be on his own and sort his life out. However he still loves me and hates that he has to do this. How do I talk to him about giving it another chance? We see each other everyday and I am willing to stop that and only see each other on weekends if need be. I love him to death, and he tells me he loves me too and I just want to be there for him instead of making him do this on his own.

We are having some space for the week however he has agreed to sit and talk with me about things. What are some things I can say to help him understand that it doesn’t have to be like this? He came and got his things this morning, we sat and talked for a little and I asked him; “do you want to leave?” And he said “no, but I have to because Dad needs me back at home for things” and then he hugged me and left.

I truly love him and I want to try and work things out. I want to help him get a job. Find money and overcome his illness. Any advice would be appreciated.

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi hbolt5,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forum. It is great to see you posting here to get some further insight to the issues you are facing. It sounds like you are in a tough situation where you and your partner are at different stages in your relationship. This can be a tough time for anyone. Be kind to your self during this time as it can be really painful when someone is pulling away when they need some space.

It is hard to offer specific advise to you about what to do and how to help your partner. I do know that the best way to build your own strength is by turning inwards and giving yourself some love and self care. It sounds like your partner has some things going on in his life like helping out his dad and wanting to sort his life out. I suppose a question to ask is, what do you want to do for yourself?

Often when we focus on ourselves and work on improving our own strength and capacity, we are better able to tolerate a break from a relationship and even find new ways to come back together, healthier and stronger. I wonder if you have other people in your life that you trust and can talk with besides your partner? I also wonder if you have some things in your life that you want to progress that bring you a feeling of accomplishment. This might be reconnecting with old friends or a hobby you might have.

There are many people who take a 'stretch' from each other and grow back together and are stronger as both people have taken the space to work on themselves. Sometimes this does not happen and people grow apart. No matter what the result, I understand the whole process can be quite stressful. I remember many times in my life where relationships were not going well. It can be incredibly stressful and I encourage you to seek extra support during this time. You are not alone going through this. There are many people on the forum going through relationship challenges. If you want to have a chat anytime, you can always reach out to the Beyond Blue Support line on 1300 22 4636.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn