I have a small group of friends who I hang with daily at school. There are only 5 of us.
Two of them are boys, who I’m really close to. They are both really nice and usually easy to talk to.
The other two are girls, one of them I was in most all of my classes with last year so we became very close.
The last one I met at the start of high school. At first, our friendship was incredible. We spent every minute we could together, discussing the latest gossip and plans for the weekend. We were virtually inseparable.
It was early into the school year last year, that I began to feel ‘heavy’, like something was constantly using up all of my energy. I ignored it, believing it was a phase.
Half way though the year, I saw that the problem was persisting. I was becoming exhausted and couldn’t understand why.
That’s when I began to notice some patterns, every night I would feel relieved to be on that bus ride home from school. Every morning I would worry on the commute to school.
As soon as I would arrive at my locker, every morning, without fail, the girl who I’d really hit it off with for the past year and a half would sprint over to me and vent, usually about the same topics. Family problems were always popular. Every morning it would be the same thing. I’d grab my books and drag myself to class, still listening to her telling me about herself. Up until that last moment, getting onto the bus and feel that relief, would I feel calm again.
Over the Christmas break, for the first time in a while, I felt good. There wasn’t the daily routine of stressing anymore. I talked about the weather and dogs and food with my family. In a way, I sort of missed the daily bark into my ears about how my best friend’s personal life was going.
The start of this year came. And so did that same daily routine. Only this time, I also had the 3 other people in my new friend group telling me about themselves too.
I thought it would settle down after the excitement of the holidays went away, maybe after week or two, but here we are, nearing the end of the 6th week of Term 1. And I’m still facing the same problems.
I feel very drained. I’m constantly lethargic and find it hard to concentrate on school work. My marks aren’t doing too well, either.
It has been slightly better this year as I only have one friend in our group that I share any elective classes with, so break times are the only times to hang with these friends. But the tiredness and morning anxiety is still there.
