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My best friend has depression and it’s making my mental health decline

Community Member
I need help. Normally I would talk to my best friend but I can’t. I’m trying, I’m really trying to be there for her, but it just seems like everything I do is wrong. I’m constantly in fear of doing the wrong thing that will upset her, and when I do, it’s like there’s no sympathy or second chances. If I do something wrong (and by that I mean, a conversation about her ends up being about me, I comfort her when she just wants me to listen, I don’t understand what she’s trying to tell me etc) she shuts me out and doesn’t talk to me anymore. I try so hard to do and be what she wants me to, but I have mental health issues too, I can’t always stop myself from being anxious about something, or reacting sensitively. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I would try to talk to her about this but last time I did that it ruined her mental health, it’s like, I can’t look after mine without damaging hers. And whenever I do try to talk to her about this stuff she doesn’t seem to care. I understand what she’s going through, and I don’t blame her for these reactions one bit, but it’s hard on me, and it’s not exactly like I can talk to her about it.
2 Replies 2

Hi Whydomyplantsalwaysdie,

Welcome to the forums! We're so grateful that you have reached out and shared what you are going through here, we know that it is not an easy thing to do. We're really sorry to hear that your friend is struggling with depression. She sounds very lucky to have a friend such as yourself who is so caring. Please know that you've come to a safe space to talk about these thoughts and feelings and our wonderful community is here to offer as much support and advice as you need.

It sounds like the friendship has become quite difficult, and it's important to care for your own wellbeing. You might be interested in our page "Looking after yourself while supporting someone".

If you feel it may be helpful to get some advice from a counsellor, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under.

Thanks again for reaching out here. Hopefully a few of our members will be by to welcome you over the next few days.

Community Champion
Community Champion


Please excuse the abbreviation. I regret it has taken so long this time to get a second response. Sophie_M has greeted you and given you a couple of of good links, however since then there has been silence.
This is not you, it is not the subject of your post - which is important and deserves an answer, it is simply the system which does not always work as we would want -sigh

OK as Sophie says your friend is lucky to have you there for her, and I'm sure you have tied every way you can to make her feel better. As this does not seem to have worked all that well I rather think the effect that has on you is something to take into account.

Do you know if your friend has medical support, if not then maybe convincing her to try might be the best thing you can do, rather than giving verbal support. I never improved until I has competent medical care.

From what you say it would seem this is not mutual support with your freind, and if you turn the conversation to your needs things do not work properly. That's OK in the very short term but can harm you if it goes on.

The phrase the supporter needs support is true. Without it constant lack of success can lead one along a downward path. So may I ask you what support you have over this? Do you see a doctor, talk with your family or others and get encouragement and care? Trying to cope in isolation is very hard.

Another thing to consider is you may be trying too hard, and maybe concentrating on your friend's condition. Do you think things would go smoother and still give both of you a lift if you simply did things you enjoy together -maybe go to the movies or some other entertainment?

I'd like it if you came back and said more - you will be answered much quicker next time:)