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Mum of 2 new speration my head is a mess

Community Member

I don't know what to do but here goes...

It's been almost a month since I found out that my partner and the father of my two babies had been sleeping with people behind my back.

About a week before my youngest was born I received a message from someone who told me he had been sleeping with people behind my back long before I had my first born and continues to sleep with anyone when I'm not around. He denied and convinced me that he wouldn't do it as he knew I'd walk away with the kids and we were his world. A couple months ago I told him that after I had second baby I considered not coming back as I felt so low, and I didn't know whether I should trust him, he sat there and cried. For almost a year it had always played on my mind.

We were in the process of buying a home which we would be able to watch child grow up together, making plans for the future. As we were waiting for the loan and everything to go through myself and the kids had been living at my pArents place. A few days before my birthday we were traveling back to see him after he had been away working. We stopped for the night and my toddler thought his dad was there he was so excited to see him again, so we rang him he sounded quiet like he didn't want anyone to hear him talking to us. He told us he'd loved us couldn't wait to see us the next day and hang up the phone.

A few hours later I received a message from the friend of a girl he'd been sleeping with, telling me everything. How he was telling her he loved her and that she was waiting for him. I rang him he denied it, told me people were trying to come between us. I sent him a photo of the message and tried to ring again. He turned the phone off. He finally told me the day after he could resist, and he had to go.

We have gone from talking most days when he was working to nothing, hasn't even asked about the kids I don't know if he even wants anything to do with them. People have come forward and told me he had been doing it the whole time we were together almost 5 years. It feels like a waste.

I just don't understand how someone knowing what he was doing allowed 2 kids to come into the world. It took me 11months to fall pregnant with my first. And talking about the future, why bother committing to buy a house when he didn't want to be with us? He thinks he can just walk away like nothing ever happened, while I'm breaking down watching my 2 kids ask for dad and he's out enjoying life partying like we were absolutely nothing to him.

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome,

I'm afraid you'll not likely ever understand the thinking of a straying partner. Best not to try.

But it us also not wise NIR beneficial fir your children to assume to much. Like Hus love for his kids. Being a cheating husband doesn't have much to for with the live he had for his kids.

So regardless if your future allow him free access to your kids. Give him an opportunity to be a good father.

How other people think and trying to work it out can cause a lot of worry. Frankly you have enough on your plate without such stress.

Stand by your principles and settle with your kids. Then the day will come when you can trust again. We aren't all sexual wanderers.

It also won't hurt to keep close contact with your GP. Take care of yourself.

Time will be your friend.

Tony WK

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Else27,

Unfortunately your story no doubt rings true for many people here on this forum, if you are male or female.

Right now you need to find somewhere secure for you and your children. Find the support and help you need to get through this.

Why so called friends didn't let you know what was going on earlier is a bit of a puzzle. Maybe they just didn't want to get involved. Seems strange people are being so open now.

Love and care for your children the best way you can. Make a happy and comforting home for them.

Things have certainly not worked out how you planned or desired, but you do have two children. If this guy decides he wants to be part of the children's life or not is up to him I guess.

Let your children know in time that there was nothing they did that made this guy leave them, he did that all by himself.

Hopefully you will be able to let go of the hurt and pain you feel right now. Bitterness and regrets eat you up and can make life miserable.

As White Knight said, TIME will be your friend.

Wishing you and the children peace in all of this.

From Mrs. Dools