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Mum Compares Animal With An Object
Many people would be familiar with kids saying to their parents:
"Mum, why can he have a PlayStation but I can't have an XBox?"
"Mum, why can he have a motorbike but I can't have a scooter?"
"Mum, why can he have a bunny rabbit but I can't have a guinea pig?"
I'm 38 and what I get from my Mum all the time is "Why are you allowed to buy all these DVDs, Blu-rays and books but your sister and I can't have a dog? Do you think that's fair?"
Now, mum has been turned down by every pet adoption agency and with this comparison, my sister said they're completely different things. A better question to Mum would be "What sort of person compares an animal with an object?"
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We’re sure we’ll hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. They’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you. Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
I can understand why such a comparison might have you feeling frustrated. Buying books and DVDs definitely doesn't compare to getting a pet, it's a much bigger commitment and it is unfair for your mum to be accusing you each time you buy something.
Perhaps your mum is just expressing her own sadness at not having a dog and every purchase reminds her of it. Is there any particular reason why she has been turned down by every adoption agency? Are there changes that could be made for your mother to be accepted for adoption? Alternatively would she be happy with a smaller pet such as a bird or guinea pig?
Eager to hear back from you,
We've lost 3 pets since 2014 and the problem is, Mum doesn't want the responsibility of having a pet and my sister never wants to spend any money on them. Everything from food, vet visits was left to Dad and mostly me.
When we lost my beloved dog of 17 years, 2 days later Mum wanted to get another one. The same day we said goodbye to our cat, she wanted another one.
When our cat was younger, I was very apprehensive about him going outside as I didn't want him to get hit by a car. Mum was in one of her "don't give a shit about anything" moods and let him outside. Her reasoning was "he wanted to go outside. if he comes back, he comes back. If he doesn't, he doesn't."
Some years ago when we still had our dog and cat, Mum wanted another pet and said 'If I can't have another one, we don't have any pets at all so we get rid of the ones we have."
I believe Mum keeps being turned down all the time is because she wants a pet for the wrong reasons. And, she prefers to spend her days playing on her phone and iPad rather than being with a dog.
You might be on the right track in thinking your mum wants a pet for the wrong reasons. Given her past treatment of your pets, it might be best at this time not to get another.
If she likes spending time with animals some options for her could be volunteering at an animal shelter, dog walking, visiting a cat cafe or pet sitting/fostering for short periods of time. You could even help her find new hobbies to fill her time like learning to paint, knit or growing a garden.