The saying goes- "tyrants never win". Hitler, Hussein, Gaddafi and many more never won.
During my younger years emotional abuse was almost a routine. My loving father worked 12 hours a day 6 days a week. He was totally devoted to our mother but he was also unfortunately blind to her antics. Us kids endured threats like "you'll be cut out of our will", "I'm leaving you to fend for yourself", "I'll tell your father" etc became the norm. One Saturday I forgot to make my bed. My mother yelled as usual and I jumped out of my skin. She chastised me and I made my bed. 10 hours later our father arrived home. We hadn't seen him all week. As soon as his car arrived our mother faked her tears and met him at the front door. She told him "Tony's been a bad boy ever since this morning when he didn't make his bed, I don't know what I've done to deserve this treatment". My father belted me, a hiding I never forgot. I was 11yo.
The defiance began. When she slapped me I'd stand still and laugh and she'd slap me harder, then harder. It was the emotional side, the manipulation, the disapproval that wore us all down. My older brother took his life at 26yo (like my sister and I maybe he had bipolar?). We were told by our mother that it was misadventure and that other family members were to be told that even though I read his last letter.
For over 50 years my sister and I were not close. The reason was "divide and conquer". Have a fall out with mother and one lost your sister and the reverse. Then one day I met with my sister and told her it must stop. I pledged that the WILL was not important to me and whatever sum I was left after she passed on, she would get half (if there was anything left). She pledged the same. We became close and this closeness was intolerable for our mother. She had ruined my wedding in 1985. I was to get married again in 2011 and she threatened to ruin my 2nd wedding. An AVO was obtained...I had a great wedding, finally.
Why tell you this? Because my sister and I haven't seen our mother for 7 years and we wont ever. Such is the in ground resentment. There can be peace with a tyrant in the form of separation. Sure give it your best effort. But there comes a line drawn in the sand when you visualize the remainder of your days licking your wounds and calming your nerves, repairing the damage.
Tyrants never win. They cause you to lose family, take away your inheritance as punishment and many other things...but they cant take away your dignity.
Tony WK
