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Miscarriage and blindsided breakup

Community Member
I was in a 4 year same-sex relationship. Engaged. Decided to start a family and I fell pregnant but we lost the baby at 16 weeks. A month later my partner came home and unexpectedly ended our relationship. I was totally blindsided. Turns out she was having an affair with a colleague she had been getting support from since our loss. The affair continued but stopped when the other woman’s partner found out. A few months later my partner wanted to try rebuild. I agreed to try provided she give it time and effort and see a counsellor if we weren’t able to get things moving. After a month she told me she was in love with me and had been very lost and confused recently. She assured me every day that things were headed in the right direction and I was learning to trust her again. Then 6 weeks into rebuilding, she ended it again. She says she loves and cares for me but she isn’t in love with me. She can no longer see a future with me and sees me as a friend only.

Im so broken. I’ve lost so much. Now we have to sell our house and pack up our whole lives. I didn’t even know there were issues. In the weeks after we lost the baby she told me she loved me more than ever. I’m so confused and can’t seem to pull myself out of my misery. It’s been 6 weeks since she left and she’s told me that there’s no chance of us ever getting back together. Help!
1 Reply 1

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear SeptemberSky~

I'd like to welcome you here to the forum, it is a gentle place where those here have turned their suffering and hard times into understanding and sympathy.

You have two things to grieve over, the loss of you baby, and the loss of what seemd to have been a permanent stable relationship with your partner.

I guess it was only natural for your heart to lead and hope that things could go back the way they were before, sadly you have found it is not a partnership, you simply cannot rely upon the other person. you have been terribly treated.

First may I ask if you have any physical effects from the miscarriage, and are being supervised by a doctor or gynecologist? I'd imagine there may be a temptation to doubt you did everything right, sadly it is a human failing to blame oneself for things that are outside ones control. Please excuse me if I'm assuming too much .Professional reassurance may help.

Now is the time you need support, so can I ask if there is anyone, family or freind you can lean on right now? It can make a huge difference to talk frankly with someone who cares.

You talked of counseling, it might be good idea just for you, Relationships Australia - 1300 364 277 do have a good post-separation service.

From your words it is obvious you have a lot of love to give, and think the best of others, I would think in time you will be able to find the someone that you deserve.

You are going to always be welcome to talk here.