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Meds are ending my marriage
I am currently devastated, lost, confused and numb. My wife and I have been married a year now and we adore each other. 2020 was a hellish year (for everyone!) and had a big impact on us but also on her. Stress, general feeling of fatigue and feeling run down, having her UK trip cancelled in April so she missed out on seeing her family and a job change. Then in August she slipped two discs in her lower back. Most of the stress and pressure she has been feeling is due to missing her family but also supporting me as I am currently unemployed and have been for some time due to my own mental health issues. I only learnt last Thursday that I have adult autism with severe ADHD and that is what has been holding me back getting a job.
She has suffered from depression most of her life and it's been on and off but she would hide it so well and just push through. I would constantly check in on her but she just found it difficult to open up to me or just brush it off with humour. Or blame work. I tried to do little things every now and then to cheer her up and I looked after the house jobs so it was one less thing off her plate.
In November she started seeing a therapist through telehealth and that made me happy that she had someone to talk to. She still seemed stressed but we kept showering each other with love everyday and there were no signs that we were on the path of breaking up. On Dec 20th it all came out one night about how miserable and unhappy she's been and I agreed because it has been an incredibly hard year. We decided to take a break and give each other some space to work on our stuff individually but still see each other. She said she still loved me and wanted to work things out because she wanted us to be together forever.
Fast forward to today. She saw a GP for anti depressants and it has completely changed her. I don't know who she is anymore and she has become cold and cruel. She was told to take a certain amount for a week and then it doubled a week later. I thought that was too soon as it doesn't give your body time to adjust to this new substance in your system. The week she was on 1/2 a tablet she was still loving but not eating, not sleeping well & feeling spaced out. 2 weeks later, she ended our marriage in a park in 8 minutes blunty, with zero emotion saying she didn't love me anymore.
Everyone is shocked. I am shocked. And I know that it's the meds and not her. Has anyone else experienced this?
Good afternoon Dazed.
I’m so sorry that your 2020 was crappy for your wife and you. Certainly the cancelled family visit, unemployment and depression would test the strongest of marriages.
I’m not a medical professional but I’m not convinced the difference in your wife’s behaviour can solely be attributed to raising the dose of her anti depressant medication.
Five days before Christmas she told you “how miserable and unhappy” she was and you both agreed on a separation. Obviously there is a lot more details that you don’t have time to describe but her statement and resulting decision to seperate tells me that your marriage was at risk, right then. Was there anything in particular (apart from depression) that prompted the split?
Assuming that she is still being treated by a caring health profession, it’s probably best that you back off and focus on yourself. In these situations, it’s impossible to persuade a spouse to come home. They have to want it and take that action without persuasion or coercion.
I advise you to tell your wife one final time that you love her and want to save your marriage. Also tell her you reluctantly accept her decision. You are there for her if she needs to talk. I know this is incredibly painful for you but there is simply little you can do when an adult has made a decision like this.
In the meantime, concentrate on your own physical and mental health. Vigorous exercise, good diet, healthy sleep patterns, regular talks with family and friends. Read and develop interests. Moderate use only of alcohol. Update us if things change. Good luck.