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Marriage Crisis - Should I Call It Over? Please help!
Can you please provide some insights and advice for my current situation.
My wife and I separated back in January and she decided to move out of the family home and move into her own rental unit to try and take some time to see if our marriage was something that she wanted to continue with or not. For her, she has trust issues and for myself, I feel that I have have never really had my needs understood or met especially over the last 8 or so years in particular.
When my wife moved out 6 weeks ago, we always spoke and said that we would still do things together on occasion and remain amicable and friendly. I have two teenage boys living at home and am taking care of them whilst also cooking, cleaning etc. We also own our own business together too, so it is an unusual circumstance and outside the norm of what is a standard separation for sure.
Over the last few weeks, things have become strained. My wife does still talk to me but is what I would call totally unimotional in her way that she talks and acts. It's almost as if we are now more distant friends which is hugely sad and disappointing. She has a huge support network of friends around her which I am thankful for and of course, they are no doubt offering their own advice. I however have always had the same connection of friends being that I moved over here from the UK 22 years ago and so I have no real network of my own in which to speak with anyone about this. I am seeing a Psychologist and Life Coach who are helping me.
Last week, I found that my wife had taken over $3,000 cash from ATM machines during the month of March alone. Something she has never done before. When I asked her about this, she said that she didn't know it was that much but something told me this wasn't true. I decided to be mindful of what could happen and so I changed the password on my phone and deleted my Facebook account as it was making me sad to see her moving on so fast with her friend network. Yesterday we were out at dinner with the family and she wanted to see the specials menu, a pic of which I had taken on my phone. She couldn't get in and this morning she is now saying to me that I am hiding something and that I lied about changing the code.
My point here is that I am so anxious about all of this that it's causing me severe distress. Whilst it would be SO hard to end this marriage, I feel that continuing on as we are doing is too exhausting. Maybe a fresh new start for both of us is best? Comments please.
As you are feeling distressed and she is living in another abode, you are in the prime position to just reduce your outings together. Such void in your life can be filled up with hobbies or activities with the children because an active mind keeps the grief at bay.
Her reactions to you might indicate she is nowhere near returning to the family home, so I'd give her time and space.
We are very sorry to hear what you are going through with your family. Separations are difficult and now you have a high anxiety situation, on top of the grief of losing the family dynamic as it once was. It can be difficult to go through such a time without much of a network and it's great that you are working with a psychologist and life coach to help you through this time.
If you ever needed some perspective in between session with your regular supports feel free to contact MensLine Australia is a free 24/7 telephone and online counselling service for men with emotional health and relationship concerns. You can contact them on 1300 78 99 78 or https://mensline.org.au/
There is Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They provide relationship support services for individuals, families and communities and aim to support all people in Australia to achieve positive and respectful relationships.
If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.
You do not have to deal with this alone, the community is here to support you.