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Marraige problems -Please help!

Community Member
I have been with my husband for 14 years, we have a young daughter and I am currently pregnant with our second.         
After a very stressful 1.5 years of living with my parents and renovating our home my husband has gone into a major depression which has brought out many of his childhood issues, worsened his anxiety and caused him to no longer want to work.
It has also caused him to question our marraige, love and the person he is married too. He feels I let our marraige slide whilst all the craziness of the living with my parents and the renovation took place and on reflection he is right I did get caught up in moment and I unintentionally caused him hurt and resentment through my inaction. I have expressed my deep regret and apologised profusely but it does not seem to help.... he has shut me out almost completely, has said he no longer loves me the way he did, he needs space and he is not sure if we will be married after this baby is born. In fact he said he is waiting till the baby is born as he is hoping the baby will change his feelings about us.. he refuses to try and work on things now and is refusing to see a Marraige Counsellor.
He has had one session with a psychologist which helped with his diagnosis but again he blames me as nothing in his life thus far has resulted in him needing to see someone.


I'm so confused, last week he told me we will get through this and we were somewhat affectionate with one another and this week he is discussing divorce and what the arrangements will be in relation to the assets and our children and he has shown nil affection whatsoever.

I am at a absolute loss as to what to do, I love my husband deeply and I don't want lose him!       


Please help!



3 Replies 3

Community Member

Thank you Salsa for sharing your personal problem.

Men are like rubber bands with their emotions. They pull back when they try to work things out, but then bounce back stronger once they have sorted themselves out. Hopefully this is what your husband is doing. I have been in a similar situation myself in the past, where work was causing me stress and anxiety. I pulled back from my love to fix my head space, but I for got to tell her that I deeply love her and just needed to work out what was happening to me with work. Recently she left me. 

You are strong Salsa and will stand by your husband and support. Be gent and kind towards him without asking too many questions. I'm sure deep down he loves you, but is confused at the moment.

I hope this helps you. Scott.

Thanks trust and care.... I really hope you're right.  He behaviour is really upsetting and confusing me.

 Yesterday morning he called me to see how I was feeling and told me we will be ok... then when he returned home late in the evening from work he practically ignored me and told me to sleep in the spare room. He then asks me how I slept this morning before blasting me in the car saying things like I should find my own way to work and discussing custody of our children and saying he hates me and doesn't love me anymore and thats something I cant fix. I'm really lost!

That would be very confusing for you Salsa.

A technique I find very useful for myself is meditation. I do this on daily bases for 15 minutes. It helps me clear my head and puts me in the right frame of mind to face possible challenges. There are free apps you can download for this, Relax is the one I use.