Maintaining relationships

[MissJ94]

I feel like i have a major issue when it comes to maintaining relationships.

The only people i regularly talk to are my mum and my son.

I have a sister who im not majorly close with but we still talk at times. Her husband is an ass so the only words spoken between us is a greeting. They have 2 kids that im close with.

My brother and I dont talk to each other, kinda like my sisters husband. They all live together with my mum. So when i go over there its always awkward. Its like theres "them" and then theres me, the odd one out. Theyre all talking about whatever and i have no idea whats going on because im just not included. They have this great relationship with each other and then there i am, a loner.

I look at my family and ask myself why am i even there? Who are these people? I dont know these people. I want to disappear.

Similar thing with friends. I lost all my high school friends when i got pregnant at 16.

Made some new friends when i got to uni but one left the group after she had her first baby and the other is now with a new man and only talks to me when she needs help.

Havent been able to make friends at work because i just dont know how to. I feel like i really lack social skills. I did dancing for many years and even there felt like the odd one out. I love to game but the anxiety heightens at the thought of playing with other people.

Just the slightest social interaction, even if its family, just drains me mentally! Need days to recover from it!

Makes me feel bad as a mum because i dont know my sons friends parents, we dont go out much because of this social phobia kinda thing. Feel like my son is missing out so much. He hears of his friends and cousins going out on the weekend and there we are at home because i dont have the energy to interact with people. Feel like hes going to grow up thinking we never did anything because of issues i have.

Id love to have friends! But when i think of the work that needs to go into maintaining a friendship, i just dont have the patience for it. The drama, the different interests, having to interact socially. It mentally drains me just thinking about it.

[Wilba]

I have no useful stuff only that you sound like my twin! So many things right down to the sister are the same

Some days it's lonely as hell some days it's ok

[The_Bro]

Hi there MissJ94 and thanks for your post!

For years I was in a situation a little bit like yours, a few acquaintances but no real friends. This surprised people as I am fairly open and happy to chat.

I took some advice from a well known personality who is not very good looking at all, but was always in enduring relationships with fantastic other people.

His secret? Ask questions about the other person, listen carefully to the response, and take cues to keep the interest in the other person going. Too many people regard a conversation as merely waiting the chance to say something about themselves. Listen to most conversations and you will see what I mean!

So I put this into practice and it worked! I am happy to say I now get invited to other peoples places and out to cafes with other people. Are they all my friends?

No they are not, and don't have to be either. You see friendship should be easy, not hard. If you don't find a person interesting and stimulating, then maybe it's best to regard that as an acquaintance instead of a friend.

However don't lose interest in asking about people's lives - family, occupation, interests, current affairs and so on.

If you show an interest in what they tell you, chances are they will think you are pretty cool and worth knowing?

Anyway MissJ94 I hope this has helped just a little bit and wish you all the best.

Happy to chat anytime.

The Bro