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Loving someone who has a drug problem

Community Member

I don't really know what to do anymore. I am stuck between staying and leaving. I just don't want to hurt him, I don't want him to feel the way I have felt. I have found myself in the darkest place I have ever been, crying on the shower floor, screaming my lungs out while driving down lonely roads. Loving someone with a drug addiction is the hardest thing I have ever been faced with.

I have experienced heartache in relationships before, but this is different. I have been lied to in the past, used, taken for granted. But this is different. I see through all the lies and I know it's the drugs speaking. I see all the efforts he puts into hiding it and I know it's the actions of the drug. There is so much I know that he does that's because of the drugs.

I have tried so many times to speak to him about this. I have tried to be kind and understanding. I have tried to express how it makes me feel and how important our future is to me. But as time as gone by, the more I speak, the more effort he puts into hiding it.

It makes me feel like a fool. Well, I know I'm not a fool, but he probably thinks I am. I feel disrespected and my trust in him is crumbling to pieces. He gets offended at the idea that I don't have trust in him. But trust is earned. You don't earn it by pretending to tell the truth.

He has crossed so many boundaries - emotionally, financially... so many indiscretions in so many ways.

I cannot control the way I am - I still see good in him, but I am tired and sinking into the loneliest depression I have ever felt. I can't ignore it but I pretend to.

I really don't know what to anymore.

3 Replies 3

Community Member

Hi leabe,

Welcome the forum. I am sorry to hear that you are struggling so much and going through so much pain. Supporting a loved one through a drug addiction can be incredibly tough. Be kind to yourself. I know you have been focusing on his issues with drug addiction however I wonder if you have been able to get some support for just you. The way that you describe your feelings of 'crying on the shower floor, screaming my lungs out while driving down lonely road', this sounds so very difficult. I want you to know that there is help out there for you to find your strength and that you are not alone.

Loving and caring for someone with addiction can take up a lot of energy. Please acknowledge your strength in finding your way here to the forum despite feeling so down. You may find getting the words out on the forum to be very therapeutic and I encourage you to continue writing if this is the case.

An option you might want to consider is to call a support service. There is the Family Drug Support Service and Support Line that you may find helpful. The phone number is 1300 368 186 and the website can be found here https://fds.org.au

You might also consider going to visit a GP/Doctor and having a conversation about the way you have been feeling. They may be able to recommend getting to a local counsellor or referring you to a support group.

Changing another persons drug addiction is not easy or even possible. Often they have to make the changes themselves when they are ready. But you can change the way that you are feeling by seeking support for your self. Getting some counselling can offer you a regular place to talk about your feelings of frustration and anger and even help you learn some tools to stay strong so you can better support your partner.

We are listening and are here to help.

Nurse Jenn

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Leabe,

I saw the toll it took on my sister, who ended up eventually divorcing her (now ex) husband and it is definitely not an easy path. It is such a shame because all you want is a normal, stable partner. But unfortunately that is out of your control at this point. The final straw for my sister was coming home to find that he had stolen the money they had been saving for a holiday. I think that one person alone can’t fight for a relationship, and I also think that someone won’t get off drugs unless they really want to. And that’s something that can’t be forced on them. I think it will just be a matter of if you go with your head or your heart. No judgment here one way or the other btw, the heart has its own logic.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Leabe, and thank Nurse Jenn as well as Juliet for their comments, which I'll try not to repeat and if I do I'm sorry.

With any addiction, it's so difficult to be able to communicate with that person, all their mind is set on when or how their next dependence is going to happen, so trust and truth can never be ensured.

I was looking after an elderly chap who made his son power of attorney, which he regretted so many times, as he was an alcoholic, a gambler and used drugs, so he needed to borrowed money which was never paid back, he drained his father's bank account, about $7000 and physically abused him.

He kept on looking for any money his dad left out and had taken his credit card, once it was pay day, so I had to keep changing his pin number, and he 'loved him' but never trusted anything he did.

I understand the position you are in, but it's impossible to live with someone you love who has addiction like this.

There will be drugs hidden anywhere he wants, your money will never be secure and as much as you want to help him, only he can decide when to say 'help me please'.

I'm sorry.