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"Staying for the kids" is a loyal example of dedication that has consequences. By ending up miserable the household is unhappy and the childten know it.
As dedicated as good parents are it would be and unrealistic level of dedication if there is no self focus on your own mental and emotional well being. Help yourself to care for your children so to speak.
I would suggest you seek family counseling. If he does not attend with you then attend alone. If the latter occurs then do not reveal what occurs at your meetings, he can go along if he cares enough.
Individuals in a partnership/marriage have some responsibilities towards the family, the running of the house and to the happiness of their partner. When one member drops their level of duty and effort the domino effect begins.
Take care, seek out what you deserve in happiness.
I can only underline what white knight has suggested Rowa.
I respect your dedication towards your children by preserving the family unit.
However, there is an abundance of social evidence that shows maintaining the family unit is not always in the children's best interest. They are well aware of the fighting and tension and long term this will have a negative affect on their own attitudes to family life.
Set your children a positive example by putting your own emotional health first. Seek professional counselling alone. You have tried to involve your husband and it hasn’t worked. You can’t be all things to all people.
The time has arrived for you to be selfish and by doing so improve life for yourself and children. As for your husband, he’s an adult and if he chooses to positively engage, great, but if he persists in his current state, you shouldn’t stay in the marriage.